Scatty Mama

I rarely get stressed, especially never about work. What happen happens right? I love everything to be orderly and in its place. I can think straight when my desk is straight and my craft materials are in order. I know what to cook and what chores need doing when the house is in order.

Funny how things turn out then. My better half is almost my diametric opposite. My attempts to get him to organise his diary, his accounts, his wardrobe, his life have gotten nowhere and that’s saying something considering I usually get my way. It’s just the way he is and I accepted that a long time ago with a resolve not to nag him about it.

This disorganised side to him also has its good points – he can be very spontaneous. If I want to go somewhere I want to pack food, stuff for the kids, make sure I am dressed exactly right and have all eventualities covered. He’ll just get us all in the car with the plan to see what unfolds. This being the case, I have been planning for a year for my trip to Pakistan in December. Better half has announced that he is booking tickets for us to go to Pakistan for his brothers wedding …NEXT WEEK!!!. No ticket’s, no leave booked from work, no time allowed off school for Little Lady. My first reaction is to absolutely PANIC. My next is okay, if you can arrange it, we’ll go. To compound things, we applied for the baby’s passport ages ago and it still hasn’t turned up, so if it comes we go, if it doesn’t we can’t (our calls to the passport office have been to no avail). It’s one of this situation’s that makes you resigned to fate and just wakes you up to the fact that everything isn’t always under your control, that you can’t organise, straighten and put everything in boxes.

This coupled with the first time I have ever lost control at work (I have never been faced with such volume of work before) and my house being half way through building work (we packed everything up, then decided we couldn’t afford both Pakistan and building work so stopped – plus the builders went AWOL in true builder fashion).

I keep feeling like I am at the edge of a scream, the constant thinking about passports, travel, packing, weddings, home and work is making my brain overload to the point it trips out if I think too hard. The only thing keeping me sane at the moment is the thought that none of this is in our hands. That what Allah (SWT) wills, will happen and that Allah loves sabr (patience). So I am trying my best to let go and go with the flow of things, to see what Allah plans for me and where the journey will take me.