Ego and Ikhlaq

On Friday night I attended the wedding of my mum’s best friend’s daughter; a pleasant, serene, affair with minimal fuss and a lovely vibe mash’Allah. I got to spend time with my girls – my three sisters and my lovely sister-in-law and eat good food, although I did spend a good chunk of the evening reminding the children that this was a hall and not a playground!

I grew up with the young women of the brides family around me – her sisters and cousins as our two families have always had close links over the last 40 years or so. I have never been particularly close to any of them and have often felt they are looking down on me. Perhaps this has been in my mind and I have been too quick to take slight and as a Muslim I know that the other person has the right to be given the benefit of the doubt when there is no proof of what you think about them. In any case, this has meant that over the years I have started to give them a wide berth with the justification in my mind that it is better to avoid situations that make you slighted or embarrassed.

I enjoyed the wedding, congratulated the brides mother, tried to talk to one of her cousins and somehow managed to feel slightly insulted again and then made a move to leave. As I left, I saw the brides sister standing at the door greeting people as they left, I put my arm round Little Lady, looked down and walked out.

As we got into the car, my husband remarked that the sister had wanted to greet me, but I wasn’t looking at her. I told him that I had ignored her on purpose. He reminded me a hadith he had come across which says that there are 70 rewards for greeting another with salaam, 69 for the ones who takes the initiative and 1 reward for the one who responds (I cannot find the hadith to support this, please let me know if you know the source insh'Allah).

Hubby has a knack of doing this. Stopping me in my tracks in a way that means I can’t really argue back. I did feel rather ashamed. I had wasted the rewards that one day might make all the difference. I had stooped to behaviour that doesn’t befit a Muslimah and I had most likely made someone else feel how I have been made to feel in the past.

I know it seems like such a small thing. But it is the small things that sometimes form the basis for the bigger things. I could have dealt with my insecurities and greeted the sister with warmth. I may still have felt that she was looking down on me, but I could have made the decision that this was NOT my problem and that I would still behave in the way my faith guides me towards. I also should have remembered that I am setting an example for my children. Some things to keep in mind I think.

And those who believed and did good works are made to enter Gardens underneath which rivers flow, therein abiding by permission of their Lord, their greeting therein, Peace! ~ Qur'an 14:23

The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'It is not halal for a muslim to shun his brother for more than three nights, that is they meet, and this one turns away and that one turns away. The better of the two is the one who says the greeting first'. (Muwatta Hadith 47.13).

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt