I have had one of those days. Okay, maybe one of those weeks. Our office is being reviewed for potential redundancy and at the same time the work is coming thick and fast. This is probably one of the first times in my career when I have come this close to saying “I can’t complete all of this work”.
At the same time, home is full mash’Allah, but very busy. All my efforts earlier in the year to get the kids into a routine and the house organized appear to have gone to waste as the kids laundry is all mixed up, the hall is full of piles of shoes, there is a humungous bike also parked in the hallway and my beloved bookshelf is piled high with random …stuff. We also have builders in who have re-built my living room wall and found damp all over the place. The new wall needs skimming, we have a spare sofa in the back room that needs to be sold and is taking up space and a fish tank that is sitting half way into the middle of the road because some of the cement on the new wall still isn’t fully dry. Clutter really stresses me out and I never understood why until someone explained that I am a visual person and where a person who is more audial or kinesthetic won’t see the mess, for me it means I can’t avoid seeing it and it distracts me, much in the same way that too much noise stresses out an audial person (whereas I can work through any amount of noise).
At the same time, when you have eight people living in a house, there is bound to be clutter and extra luggage. This along with various items left by previous guests and family who have stayed with us and my husbands penchant for collecting all sorts of stuff from his removal job and leaving it in various strategically irritating positions around the house (on top of the fish tank, on the kitchen window cill, on my book shelf). I can’t really complain, because I am sure he could say the same about my papercraft and jewellery making stuff and books (although he is too sweet to say anything).
The above along with the sleep deprivation I suffer fro every summer due to the very early dawn prayers and late night prayer means it all came to a head today, when I was so exhausted I could barely pray maghrib. I decided to sleep for 30 minutes and then get up refreshed for esha (the night prayer). Bad idea. I was woken up by the kids and ended up extremely disorientated and upset. I packed them off to bed and then shut the door and had a good cry. Not the sad, sniffing type, but the all out, flop on your bed, sob your heart out inconsolably type. I’m not quite sure why I went off like that, but I certainly needed it.
I still felt miserable as I prayed and asked Allah (SWT) to help me a bit more sensible, until Gorgeous (who does not believe in sleeping at a sensible time), got out of bed and came and sat in my lap. Subhan’Allah, the peace I felt in that moment was indescribable. He is 3 ½ now and due to go to nursery in September insh’Allah, but he is still a good size and weight to fit into my arms sooo perfectly. It made my head clear and it helped me to make four resolutions:
SOOTHE – I will hold each of my children each and very day and tell them I love them. I will hold them until we both have our fill of affection, love, peace and sweetness.
RELAX – I will try to have a nap when I return from work, for exactly 30 minutes. My husband is an expert at this. He can sleep anywhere for 15 minutes and wake up completely refreshed. I on the other hand find myself waking up from such naps extremely thirsty, disorientated and unable to clear the cotton wool out from between my ears. I think I need practice. So I will try 30 minutes every day as soon as I return from work and see how it goes.
PLAY – We all need to feel as if we are doing something for ourselves and not expending ourselves completely in the service of ours. So I will spend a small amount of time playing with my papers, embellishments and beads, or reading something trashy, unworthy and fun, or my newest pastime of conning China, via eBay, out of pretty things for next to nothing.
ORGANISE – One step at a time, one area at a time, even if it means one item at a time until I am visually bale to cope again. Tomorrow this will mean taking all of the shoes I can find in the house, putting them in a black bag and leaving them in my brother-in-laws room. The next day this might mean taking all of husbands tools out of my kitchen, putting them into a bag and stashing them where they are likely never to be seen again (at the back of our little store-room which acts like a bottomless pit, which is a whole ‘nother story).
Insh’Allah I feel much better now. Getting the kids routine under control is a different matter, but as the school holidays approach, I will have time to think things through. I will also have to take a more sensible approach to work. I have long held that I am not willing to give so much of myself to work that there is not enough left for my family, so tomorrow I will try to take a gentler stance and be more honest about what I can handle insh’Allah.
Tomorrow (and tonight) being Jumuah, I will also try to celebrate by wearing something nice, sharing food and working on my sunnah by smiling lots insh’Allah.
At the same time, home is full mash’Allah, but very busy. All my efforts earlier in the year to get the kids into a routine and the house organized appear to have gone to waste as the kids laundry is all mixed up, the hall is full of piles of shoes, there is a humungous bike also parked in the hallway and my beloved bookshelf is piled high with random …stuff. We also have builders in who have re-built my living room wall and found damp all over the place. The new wall needs skimming, we have a spare sofa in the back room that needs to be sold and is taking up space and a fish tank that is sitting half way into the middle of the road because some of the cement on the new wall still isn’t fully dry. Clutter really stresses me out and I never understood why until someone explained that I am a visual person and where a person who is more audial or kinesthetic won’t see the mess, for me it means I can’t avoid seeing it and it distracts me, much in the same way that too much noise stresses out an audial person (whereas I can work through any amount of noise).
At the same time, when you have eight people living in a house, there is bound to be clutter and extra luggage. This along with various items left by previous guests and family who have stayed with us and my husbands penchant for collecting all sorts of stuff from his removal job and leaving it in various strategically irritating positions around the house (on top of the fish tank, on the kitchen window cill, on my book shelf). I can’t really complain, because I am sure he could say the same about my papercraft and jewellery making stuff and books (although he is too sweet to say anything).
The above along with the sleep deprivation I suffer fro every summer due to the very early dawn prayers and late night prayer means it all came to a head today, when I was so exhausted I could barely pray maghrib. I decided to sleep for 30 minutes and then get up refreshed for esha (the night prayer). Bad idea. I was woken up by the kids and ended up extremely disorientated and upset. I packed them off to bed and then shut the door and had a good cry. Not the sad, sniffing type, but the all out, flop on your bed, sob your heart out inconsolably type. I’m not quite sure why I went off like that, but I certainly needed it.
I still felt miserable as I prayed and asked Allah (SWT) to help me a bit more sensible, until Gorgeous (who does not believe in sleeping at a sensible time), got out of bed and came and sat in my lap. Subhan’Allah, the peace I felt in that moment was indescribable. He is 3 ½ now and due to go to nursery in September insh’Allah, but he is still a good size and weight to fit into my arms sooo perfectly. It made my head clear and it helped me to make four resolutions:
SOOTHE – I will hold each of my children each and very day and tell them I love them. I will hold them until we both have our fill of affection, love, peace and sweetness.
RELAX – I will try to have a nap when I return from work, for exactly 30 minutes. My husband is an expert at this. He can sleep anywhere for 15 minutes and wake up completely refreshed. I on the other hand find myself waking up from such naps extremely thirsty, disorientated and unable to clear the cotton wool out from between my ears. I think I need practice. So I will try 30 minutes every day as soon as I return from work and see how it goes.
PLAY – We all need to feel as if we are doing something for ourselves and not expending ourselves completely in the service of ours. So I will spend a small amount of time playing with my papers, embellishments and beads, or reading something trashy, unworthy and fun, or my newest pastime of conning China, via eBay, out of pretty things for next to nothing.
ORGANISE – One step at a time, one area at a time, even if it means one item at a time until I am visually bale to cope again. Tomorrow this will mean taking all of the shoes I can find in the house, putting them in a black bag and leaving them in my brother-in-laws room. The next day this might mean taking all of husbands tools out of my kitchen, putting them into a bag and stashing them where they are likely never to be seen again (at the back of our little store-room which acts like a bottomless pit, which is a whole ‘nother story).
Insh’Allah I feel much better now. Getting the kids routine under control is a different matter, but as the school holidays approach, I will have time to think things through. I will also have to take a more sensible approach to work. I have long held that I am not willing to give so much of myself to work that there is not enough left for my family, so tomorrow I will try to take a gentler stance and be more honest about what I can handle insh’Allah.
Tomorrow (and tonight) being Jumuah, I will also try to celebrate by wearing something nice, sharing food and working on my sunnah by smiling lots insh’Allah.
Hope you all have a happy and blessed Jummah day insh’Allah!
A'salaamu alaikum sis. I love reading your blog; it always makes me remember to feel grateful to Allah swt and remember my blessings. :-)
ReplyDeleteYour upbeat nature and non-whininess is really a breath of fresh air masha'Allah!
Jumah mubaraka!
Love this post and love your attitude. What an inspiration:)
ReplyDelete