I
haven’t had time to write as much as I like today for International Women’s
Day, but luckily my little sister has and I love how she has personalised it with anecdotes
from my family. She shares how precious
having sisters is to us despite our squabbles and how we have come so far on
the sacrifices that came before us:
Harlequin Teaset: International Women's Day 2018
Today
we celebrate International Women’s Day – a day which honours women’s
achievements, their lives and the struggle for equality in this post-modern
world. I’ve already heard criticism and grumblings though – some from women saying
this day is full of hypocrisy, where companies cash in on a cheesy holiday,
before going back to the uncomfortable reality where women aren’t all equal.
I’ve also heard some from the men, who feel targeted, pushed out, marginalised
and feel that it is unfair (to be honest, there is an International Men’s Day
in November, but I’ve never seen it be celebrated).
One
of the reasons why I always like to talk about this day is because I know how
much the women in my family have struggled in order for me to have the
position, and privilege, that I enjoy today. My paternal grandmother spent her
life looking after her husband, then her children, and then her last few years
with her sons and grandchildren – but we all saw her as the matriarch, the
Queen Bee of the family, and have such fond memories of her. We never knew our
maternal grandmother as she died very young, but we have always held her in
such high respect – the stories we grew up with about her focused on her being
the jewel of her family, a much-wanted daughter and sister. One of the stories
I remember being told was about her travelling in her ‘doli’ on her wedding
day, and asking to stop so she could pray her salah – this for me was such a
humble, awe-inspiring thing to do in the midst of a special day, and a reminder
to not get too big for our boots.
And
my mother. I could write pages about her. Whenever I read poetry about our
roots, our struggles, our blessings, (“Our backs/Tell stories/No books have/The
spine to/Hold” – Rupi Kaur), I always think of my mum and what she has taught
us while she raised us, as well as what she has endured. My mother married
young, and spent her life caring for others, where she never came first – her
younger siblings, her husband, her children, her in-laws. I’ve heard a lot of
stories from friends, colleagues, bloggers and many more about the
relationships they’ve had with their parents, difficult or otherwise which all
talk about how they impacted them as adults.
It’s
harder to explain the more complex things someone who may not have the same
upbringing as us – the emotional-blackmail, the cultural-family politics, the
superstitions and the ingrained racism, misogyny and general random weirdness
that seems to come part-and-parcel with Asian society. One of the things I was
always grateful for was that my mother spared my sisters and I a lot of this
headache – she realised the value of letting us be ourselves without forcing us
to follow the route she had gone through. We spent our childhood running to the
parks, riding bikes, dressing in boy-jeans (well, one of my sisters did
anyway), wearing princess dresses (me), devouring books and jumping up and down
to Bollywood songs (me again). Our parents were not well off, but my mother
spent most of her spare time tailoring, and saved money carefully so that when
we needed (or usually just wanted) something frivolous, we always got it.
And
shall I tell you about my sisters? One is literally Superwoman – she blogs,
works full time, raises five children and still has time for a good natter, to
cook, to take her children somewhere fun or find something interesting to do,
watch or read. Almost every person I know who also knows her ask me how she
does it – I’m a little baffled myself. Then there’s another sister of mine –
possibly the most humble person I know, and also the most reliable. I always
take her shopping with me (because she lets me be rude to her when she picks
out clothes) and she’s always my go-to person for taking photos, organising
events or just generally random bits of handy-man advise. And lastly there’sthe baker in the family – when we were younger we used to get asked if we twins
(we look nothing alike but used to be the same height as kids), and she’s
probably one of the few people who loves horror movies way more than I do. I
often find that she’ll say something I was thinking, usually the more stupid
the more likely! When I was in school, I got told by one of my friends that I
talked about my sisters ‘too much’, which I found weird – I always thought I
was lucky to have sisters and have always felt sorry for those who don’t.
Having
said that, as much as I understand how important it is to recognise and
acknowledge the bounds and leaps that women have taken over the years, I feel
that it is just as important to understand the issues that women still have. In
my workplace I’ve often come across women who have problems, and still have
them now. I met a very sweet Afghani women a couple of days ago who broke my
heart with her story – she was a teacher in Afghanistan who taught a girl’s
schools, but received many threats for doing so. Her son was abducted, his body
found a year later. Her husband was injured in an explosion while driving to
work, and she fled the country to Britain in fear of her life. When I went to
visit her, her landlord took me aside and quietly asked me to be gentle with
her – she had just found out her husband died the day before. Yet when I spoke
to her I found her incredibly sweet, thoughtfully asking me if I wanted to sit,
to drink anything. I found her strength of character amazing – she was in the
middle of grieving yet had time to think of others. There are still countries
where women do not have access to basic necessities – clean underwear, sanitary
items, clean toilets and even basic rights and freedom. Its things like this
which make us realise how much we take for granted, and how much the world
still needs to go before we can consider ourselves equal or fair.
You can read the full article here and see more of her writing, art and general wierdness here and on her awe-inspiring instagram account here.
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