Ramadan 2020/1441: Last Few Days

The last few days have been a little challenging a we come to the end of the blessed month. 

Trying to get the shopping done, while fasting and in the heat, with queues everywhere.

Trying to kid the kids to pray, do some schooling, stop sleeping too much, sleep at sensible times, eat properly, eat a bit more…

Trying to keep up with worship, taraweeh (night prayer) and trying to finish my reading of the Quran.

It all got a bit too much two days ago when it was very hot, when I was trying to get all my grocery shopping and meat shopping for Eid done. I was half way home with the shopping, when hubby called to say a friend of his, who is stuck abroad, called to say his wife has taken ill and could I check in on her. I dropped off my shopping and headed back out to hers to find her with another woman, who had also come over in a panic. My friend turned out quite poorly, having been in hospital the night before, so I sat with her for a while and then made her promise to rest and eat and headed back home

On getting home I had a word with my older son about spending too much time on computer games and his use of language, with some swear words creeping in.  He threw an almighty teen tantrum and didn’t talk to me for two days. He’s just calmed down today and stopped sulking and walking around like a glowering thunderstorm. I except there is some more of this to come before he realises I’m not letting up.

My oldest girl decided she would help me in the kitchen, but only enough to make dinner for all the girls, but not the boys because they weren’t helping. I dd try to explain that this was not helping because I still would have to make food for the boys. I was panicking trying to get food ready on time for my family and for some others that we send food to most days.  I had also wanted to send dinner for the sister who had taken ill.

I threw everyone out, sat cross legged on the cool kitchen floor and took some deep breaths (okay some tears may have leaked out too). I then focussed on getting all the food done and making sure I don’t miss my evening prayers.  Thankfully, it all got done on time and the food sent to where it was meant to go.

But it left me feeling a little despondent. It seemed to me that I couldn’t do the worship, housework, childcare and cooking, let alone self-care or additional worship that I wanted to do in the hours that I had. I was just getting resentful, sleep deprived and sad. It’s one thing to nurture and care for your family with love and another to do it starting to feel resentful, used or put-upon.

So I explained to hubby, no more cooking for others and only simple iftars for the remaining few days of Ramadan, I wanted to rest and pray.  He agreed and had the sense not to remind me he preferred simple food and it’s usually my idea to cook new things every day.  

I’m also practicing some mean love with the kids and getting them to so more. I would say tough love, but I am feeling mean right now. I usually try to practice kindness and compassion with them, because I am their role model. But I also have to practice it with myself.  

I’ve simplified my Eid menu now to one main dish and have decided to put a s top on shopping unless the kids can go get stuff.  I’ve taken the pressure off my ibadah and might do less with less of a checklist but much more sincerity and peace insh’Allah.

Aisha (radhiallahu‘anha) reported The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "Verily, your own self has rights over you, so fast and break your fast, pray and sleep." (Sunan Abu Dawud 1369)

“Self-care is how you take your power back.” – Lalah Delia

“Taking care of myself doesn’t mean ‘me first.’ It means ‘me, too.” – L.R. Knost

“There is enough time for self-care. There is not enough time to make up for the life you’ll miss by not filling yourself up.” – Jennifer Williamson

“An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly.” – Unknown

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others. ” – Christopher Germer

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