As
I look back over my day today and reflect, it strikes how busy today was. Even though
it was the weekend and I was not working, I spent the day trying to catch up
with housework, my to-do list, my sleep and reading the Quran. I managed most
of the chores but still didn’t manage to find time to call family or reply to
messages from friends. At the end of it,
I felt as if I had not had a moment spare that was not filled with doing
something. Even my afternoon nap is a thing to-do and an attempt to manage my energy levels
and productivity rather than a lazy Sunday afternoon nap.
I
am busy at the best of times between work and five kids at different ages, but
the days seems to be even fuller during Ramadan. It struck me that I was getting
from one end of the day to the other without a minute to myself. I get very
resentful if I don’ find time for myself, I am happy to fill everyone else’s cup,
but not from an empty one, I have to fill mine first.
It’s
back to work tomorrow, which is even more hectic, spilling over into evenings
and nights if I am not careful. More e-mails than I can keep up with, video
meetings with the children harassing me just off screen and hours of meetings
with me just waiting for them to end so I can do lunch, salah and some actual
work.
I
need to think about how I can slow down and do less. At work I am starting to
think about what I can say no to, what I can delay, what I can ask for help on. At home, I have been asking everyone to help,
but there is something more fundamental about how the day just fills up. Don’t
get me wrong, it fills up with good things: worship, parenting, taking care of
my home, sleeping so I can get up at night, doing good work in my job, all things
I love doing and are good uses of time. Except they fill up all of my time. Which doesn’t feel quite right.
There
is a kind of rest which isn’t power napping, or sitting down with coffee, but
still blogging. There is a kind of rest that is about letting your mind wander,
doing nothing, letting your bones and muscles ease into place and really,
really letting your mind and boy switch off and heal and revive.
As
I head into tomorrow’s busyness, I will be looking at where I can build in time
for nothing, daydreaming and staring into space. I might go and sit int the
garden for a bit and watch my seedlings growing.
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