A Year On (2022)

Assalam-alaikam,

I realise it’s been a year since I last wrote and in that time I have had moments when I yearned to write and others when I wondered if I ever would again.

Then today I realised I have this little pocket of time for myself every day between clearing up after Iftar and before taraweeh prayer, and maybe writing is a better use of my time than scrolling through various social media feeds full of nonsense.

 

The last year has been intense, exhausting, rewarding and often deeply overwhelming.  My mind is stretched in every direction, leaving me with no mental capacity or energy to do anything creative like write.

 

The children have settled back into a routine with school following two lockdowns, during key school years for the oldest two (GCSE’s and A’Levels). Little Lady is now an adult (19 alhamdulillah) and in her first year of her law degree (never was there someone more born to be a lawyer subhan’Allah). Little Man (17) seems to have come through the worst of his angry young man phase (most of the time) and is going to a football academy, having turned into a gym bunny. Gorgeous (15) is well into his angry young man phase, although tempered by his very irreverent sense of humour, He is in the first year of his GCSE’s and is adamant he doesn’t need to study – he can just turn up and pass them. I am inclined to believe him, but I am not telling him that. Between the three of them there are days when I am in awe of the people they are turning out to be and days when I want to knock some sense into them.

 

The babies (Darling 9 and Baby 7) are enjoying primary school, and enjoying the fact that I work from home and can do the school run every day or spend all of the holidays at home with them.  I am grateful every single day for these two, their chatter, their hugs, their unconditional love. I love the fact that they are still at that age when they think mum is the best. A beautiful counter-balance to the acerbic tongues, mean jokes and cynical attitude of teenagers.

 

The pandemic took its toll on various members of my family. Alhamdulillah, I cannot find words to express my gratitude that I didn’t lose a close family member when so many around me did. Despite this it took it’s toll on many of the older generation. I can see a change in my parents with my mum having gained weight and slowed down a little and my dad developing an irregular heartbeat and diabetes. I think for both of them this was the result of two very active people having to be fairly sedentary during lockdown, I pray for their long life and good health, but I feel more protective than ever of them.

 

Work took my life over for much of the last year, seeping into my evenings and never fully letting me fully clear my mind. It affected my health, my clarity and I started to think it would affect my iman (faith) and the quality of my worship. Much as I loved my job, I knew it was time for change. Last week I took a promotion into another department with much higher pay and a clearer remit, which means handing over all of the work that was overwhelming me, delegating more and the ability to say no to anything outside of my remit. A week into the role I feel calmer, clearer, I have more of my time back and feel much happier. I think that may be one of the reasons I am wiring again, because a week in the fog caused by overwhelm has lifted and I feel able to do something more than just sit there looking at social media mindlessly. I am super excited by the new role and the chance to make it my own.

 

I am in the second and final year of my Masters, with less than six months to complete my dissertation and my portfolio of work. I am really excited an inspired by my dissertation subject – I just struggle to find the time to study and properly conduct research. I feel these last few months will be the making or breaking of me!

 

I am enjoying being involved in my community. I litter pick and do gardening once a week with a local group along with my youngest two and sometimes hubby and I was honoured to be invited to join the board of an anti-racism charity. Once a week I host the sisters halaqah for the masjid (they have a Urdu, Bengali and English circle, the English circle is held at my home). Every now and again my husband volunteers us to cook for guests or events at the masjid, which I am grateful for the chance to do.

Planting flower bulbs

In all life is full – full of good things. They are often hard things (the days when the teens are more than I can manage), exhausting things (days when I am running from school run, to meeting, to madrassah to grocery shop, to kitchen), but they are blessed things – the things that make up a life worth living.

 

Did you miss me? Shall I write more often? What kind of things should I write about?