Joy in Your Faith

I came across this today:

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And it reminded me in a roundabout way of this quote by the late, wonderful, wise, Toni Morrison:

“The function, the very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work. It keeps you explaining, over and over again, your reason for being. Somebody says you have no language and you spend twenty years proving that you do. Somebody says your head isn’t shaped properly so you have scientists working on the fact that it is. Somebody says you have no art, so you dredge that up. Somebody says you have no kingdoms, so you dredge that up. None of this is necessary. There will always be one more thing.”

Part of my job involved looking at inequality, and this is a quote I live by when it comes to my work.  But I hadn’t thought to apply it to my faith and practice of my faith. As a community and as a minority, we spend so much time being defensive, defending ourselves against racist and trolls, justifying our value and right to exist, that we forget we have work outside of defending our faith to anyone that decides to pass a comment. That work is, to get on with our good deeds, to revel in the goodness and beauty our faith, to enjoy being Muslim, part of a beautiful and blessed ummah (community). We should do this with confidence and a smile.

So often we associate religion with being serious or even grumpiness (certainly an association I have grown up with, I see way too many practising sisters looking a bit scary). But Islam teaches us to have good akhlaq toward others – good conduct, good manners, kindness, gentleness, a smile, and a good attitude:

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “There is nothing weightier in the scales than good morals and manners.” (Abu Dawood).

I love this little reminder from Imam Suhaib Webb: Feel good about your religion, about what we have gained from it - our Creator (SWT), our beloved Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and a beautiful practice when it comes to faith.  Smile and carry on with the work you need to do and that in itself is an act of resistance.

Muslim Mothers, Anxiety and Racism

On the way home from work today I stopped at the shops to grab some groceries. In the fruit aisle, a young mum was blocking the apples with her buggy and little boy, so I waited for her to finish what she was doing.  As she moved away, her little boy hung back a little and she grabbed him roughly, telling him off for not moving. I told her it was okay, but she continued to shove him forward and walked off.

The incident made me squirm a little, the boy was about three or four and not doing anything wrong.  But I couldn’t judge the mum, because her manner and words made me think of myself as a younger mum.  All day every day with your little one, often without help or support gets exhausting and you can find it harder to be patient and loving in every situation.

Layer over that a level of social anxiety from being constantly judged as a mother. Your child’s every word, action and mannerism becomes a reflection of the way you are raising them. Anything less than perfect behaviour makes you a failure and a bad mother.  Half the time it feels like everything makes you a bad mother – letting your child watch thing on your phone, giving them treats, losing your temper with them – all of those things that you do when you are struggling or to help you cope.

Then layer that over with racism and Islamophobia – whether real or perceived.  We are not just mothers, we don’t live in a vacuum, our own experiences and the trauma we experience contributes to who we are and how we parent.  Racism doesn’t just deny us opportunity or make us fearful of the world, it shrinks our worlds.  When we are scared of places, of people. We limit ourselves in where we go, what we do and who we engage with. When we become anxious, we might see malice or dislike when none is implied.

As a younger mum, I lost count of the number of times people made comments about controlling my children, or having "so many" children or just being given a dirty look.  It starts to wear on you and impact on how you behave in public.  Always herding your children out of people's way, constantly telling them to be careful, "get out of the way", "don't touch!". Being extra polite to people, smiling and ignoring slights. After so many years the underlying anxiety makes you unsure - is the grumpy old lady just grumpy, or is she being grumpy because she is racist?  Sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it's not and you start to doubt your judgement.

That's on top of the exhaustion of trying to care for your little ones as a mum, and trying to ignore all the judgement that rains down on you as a parent.  Sometimes you are barely aware of the racism interspersed with our interactions in public.

So when I saw the mum being overly harsh with her little one, I felt like a knew exactly where she was coming from - maybe just tired and harassed, or maybe suffering from a type of social anxiety that comes from being overly self aware and feeling as if you are being judge harshly or disliked because you and your little ones are different.

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Book Review: Mythos by Stephen Fry

I grew up on myths and legends from around the world: Greek, Roman, Norse mythology, stories of Father Ananse, Baba Yaga and many others.  I have always had a weakness for a good story and anything myth and legend related still captures my attention. This being the case, this book was an easy choice for me.

I hadn’t been aware of Stephen Fry’s comments about Islam when I bought the book, or perhaps they had crossed my radar but been buried in amongst all the other criticism of Islam and Muslims that appears across various media.  I understand that his criticism is as an atheist in general and in favour of free speech, but it did feel as if Islam got singled out a little.  Perhaps the author in his anger at the way gay people are treated by some people of faith, forgot how vulnerable Muslims in a non-Muslim country, in what can feel like a hostile environment, can feel and sometimes be.

If I had been more aware of the authors comments, I probably would not have bought the book. That aside, I did enjoy it.  The book starts at the beginning with the early Greek creation myths and then works its way through the various stories to just before the great age of heroes.  The format of the book is a series of short stories telling us how the various characters in the cast of Greek mythology appeared. The stories are laced with dark humour, cynicism and alternative versions.  The author explains how the names in the myths are the foundation for modern words and how much we owe to Greek mythology for modern English.

The book could probably be easily compared to the recent Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman, a book I had an absolute blast with, and which left me both shocked and looking for more. But where that book is more engrossed in the story telling, this one takes segues all over the place with asides and explanations.

A fun, interesting and entertaining read.

Teen Muslimah and Body Consciousness

I remember being a teen and sometimes getting unwanted attention, probably at a younger age than was appropriate.  I remember being a teen and being aware of my many perceived flaws alongside a cocky arrogance about my youth and how skinny I was.  Despite these things, I would rather have been a teen then than now any day.

I see the pressures that my oldest daughter faces at aged 15 - academic, social, from peers, physically and I lament the loss of childhood so soon.  I also resent the culture we live in that focusses on every inch of a women’s body from the crown of her head to her toes.  A focus that is hyper-critical, merciless, unrealistic and punishing.  Full lips, nose contoured to a perfect point, chin shaped to a point and cheekbones you can slice bread with.  Enormous breasts, tiny waist and killer curves. Salon perfect nails and perfect mermaid waves in your hair. Slim ankles and perfect toes, feet with a high instep and every inch of the body hairless, silky smooth and free of pigmentation, scar or stretch mark.  That’s before you even get started on clothing and a studio-full of makeup layered on faces over and over again until you can hide the face Allah (SWT) gave you with a mask you like better.

The cultural pressures and standards around beauty are part of our culture and I have tried over the years to teach my children that they are as Allah (SWT) wishes them to be, that Allah (SWT) made them beautiful as they are.  I try to teach them to be grateful for all that Allah (SWT) has blessed them with and finally when all else fails to “work what your mama gave you”.

I reject the unrealistic standards of beauty that change each generation so that there are always losers as we chose one ideal of beauty over all the others and fail to appreciate the diversity of beauty.  Whether gaunt “heroin chic” when I was a teen in the 90’s or surgically enhanced curves today, in choosing either you fail to see the different types of beauty around us: willowy, slender women, toned athletic women, petite curvy women, luxuriously full-figured women.

Even moreso, I reject the cruel beauty standards of my own South Asian culture: an obsession with fair skin and weight – always too fat or too slim, but never right.  On top of that the lack of manners or perhaps thoughtlessness of sisters who feel the need to comment on those around them.

I have spent years hearing family members and acquaintances commenting on my weight and colour, but more recently on my children’s colouring.  People will say that Little Lady was “so much fairer when she was a child, what happened?”  When Little Man was very small people would say he is dark with distaste – I loved has glowing, healthy dark Mediterranean colouring.  People would comment on his big lips, ten years later his big lips are in fashion.  Darling is often complimented on her fair skin, but this is no better than people saying negative things about my other children, because I would rather she does not become fixated on something as superficial as colouring.

This week I heard three comments from friends over two days.  I attended a sisters halaqa where a sister asked why Little Lady tans so quickly.  I replied because I do and we all catch the sun quickly.  The next day I met a friend while out shopping with my daughter and she asked me why Little Lady was so skinny.  I was surprised because LL had gone from skinny kid to plump teen almost overnight and then managed to bring her weight down through healthy eating and discipline.  I said that she was a healthy weight and left it that.  This after being told in her early teens that she was fat, including by both of her grandmothers.  I can tell you they got an earful from me and didn’t mention her weight again.

The some evening a neighbour popped by to ask for help in filling out a form.  LL happened to be trying on a new dress that Harlequin Sister gifted her and came to show me.  My neighbour complimented her and commented on how much she has changed from a short, skinny little kid to a beautiful young woman in a few short years.  I took the compliment for what it was, and I think LL enjoyed it anyway.

It has made me think though about how much scrutiny young women come under. How easily we expose them to our throw-away comments and how people seem to feel comfortable criticising and judging things that are not of their choice but from Allah (SWT).  I think as my girls get older I will make it my business not just to educate them about the blessings of Allah (SWT) but to educate those careless people around them too.  It’s one thing to have a thick skin and to make your children resilient, but there is something to be said about making people think twice before they open their mouth to say something unkind to a young woman when she is at her most impressionable.

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Europe and Brexit: Racism and My 13-Year Old Daughter

With the vote on whether or not we should remain in Europe taking place last week, the campaign for both leave and remain had been going full swing. Everyone at work was discussing it with most people not sure which way to vote. Everyone at home was discussing it, with my children being very vocal in trying to convince me to vote to remain.

In the end I and most of my colleagues voted to remain. The winning result was announced the following day as leave. I told the children when I woke them up that morning, and they were not very happy. Gorgeous was worried that prices would go up and everything would be expensive by Eid (I told him it would take much longer than Eid if that happened) Gorgeous also wanted to know if there would be eight continents as we were no longer part of Europe (no). Little Man wanted to know if we would now be kicked out of the European Football Championship (no).

I came down to make breakfast and found them all on the computer trying to read up on what the leave vote would mean for people in Britain. Their dad thought it was funny to tell them they would all have to move to Pakistan now.

I have to say that I was disappointed, mainly because the vote would affect young people for a long time to come and I could see how strongly young people felt about staying in Europe. But at the end of the day I accepted the results as what the people of this country wanted. If the remain camp had won such a close race, my first concern would have been, all well and good, but how can we address the concerns of the other half of the country? I am hoping that the same occurs to the winning leave camp – half of the country have to live with an outcome that they did not feel was right for them, how can our worries and issues be addressed? But considering the tone of the leave campaign in recent weeks I am not holding my breath.

The focus on immigration and the amount of vitriol that has been levelled at immigrants, both European and Muslim, legal and illegal has been pretty depressing. Now that the voting is over, it feels as if the win has given legitimacy and voice to the most hateful, racist, bigoted people. All weekend I have been hearing about racist incidents, people being insulted, assaulted and generally told to go back to where they come from.

Usually I discuss these things with my children, but this time I have not wanted to expose them to the level of hate and what feels like the sheer volume of it. Instead I have been sharing my thoughts with my sisters and sister-in-law who are equally indignant at what is happening. Most of all, after all of the hard work, all of the outreach, all of the community building, the sharing of iftars, the feeding of homeless people, the getting to know your neighbour days, there is a sadness. Was nothing good we did worth anything? Do we really deserve this level of hatred? I ask myself, are these a few incidents or is this what most people really think about us? 

Then I think to myself that this is a time for us to rally ourselves. For those of us who want to look beyond, politics, hatred or prejudice, we need to make sure that we do not become complacent or let ourselves get depressed by current events. As Muslim’s we should be hopeful and positive. We should always strive to show excellent characters and to do our best to serve others. This is the time to renew our outreach, to step up out good deeds and to talk about the good things we do (like the results of thisJustGiving survey which found that Muslims were the most generous group of all religions when it came to giving charitable donations).

We need to think about how we can engage, educate others and try to change people’s hearts and minds. As a community sometimes we feel that we can barely defend ourselves let alone others, but I think we should be the ones that’s stick up for the victims of this racist abuse, for immigrants for refugees, for the poor and the homeless, all groups which have been stigmatised in recent times.

I may have tried to protect my children but not sharing with them what is happening, but that does not mean that they will not be affected by what this surge of hatred. Today I came home from work to find my daughter waiting to speak to me. She was visibly moved and described what happened to her on the way home from school today. She had an argument with a girl not much older than her who proceeded to racially abuse her saying unkind things about Muslims. I was angry, but more than that I was scared. Scared because she had held her ground and argued back and refused to be cowed. I am terrified that one day my fearless daughter will stand her ground with the wrong people and get hurt. I explained to her that things seemed bad at the moment because there had been a number of racist incidents since the Brexit vote, but that I hoped that things would calm down. I tried to explain a little about how bad things had been for her grandparents when they came here. I asked her to write down what happened to her to help her process what had happened and to understand clearly for myself. I know sometimes a racist comment or incident can seem like a small thing, but I also know that when you are subject to it through no fault of your own, how deeply humiliating and devastating it can feel.

I was surprised at the clarity of what she wrote and the things that she had said, so I asked her if I can include it here:

Standing Up For What Is Right

On the way home, I encountered a horrible, extremely racist girl not much older than me. I sat on the bus with my best friend talking about how Brexit could affect Britain and how it might impact our futures. She listened into our conversations as we spoke about how Brexit would change Britain’s trade system with the European Union and immigration to the UK. She butted into our conversation telling us how trade would not change at all as the UK could still trade with the US. I briefly mentioned that we (my friend and I) were talking about trading with the EU as a whole, not just the US. I eagerly pulled out my Citizenship book and began stating statistics and facts about the negative impacts of leaving the EU as I am strongly against Brexit. 

She became silent for a while as my friend and I discussed who could become our new prime minister as David Cameron had just resigned. We said we wanted someone who could make a big difference (for the better) and make Britain proud. We didn’t say anything negative about Cameron so we were slightly confused when the girl started to get really defensive on his behalf. I apologised if we had come across as offensive but she continued to angrily shout about how he provided jobs for UK citizens. 

She was beginning to annoy me so I blanked her and carried on talking to my friend. It was then she mentioned that it was because of areas like Forrest Gate and Tower Hamlets ‘full of Paki’s and Bengali’s’ that the referendum had to happen. Naturally I found this quite offensive. I tried to hide the fact the words that her words stung and held my ground – though this led me to wonder just how many people thought so low of me. She cussed Green Street too, I don’t live there but I wasn’t going to sit there and let her get away with being so racist. 

Unsurprisingly, no one spoke a word or tried to stand up for us, they acted so blind towards the racial abuse, so I stood up for myself. I’m not one to sit around getting roasted by some close-minded racist. I knew I had to say something otherwise it would keep replaying in my head and I would definitely regret it later. So I asked where she lived, she told me her local borough and I sarcastically replied “Right, cos your borough is so much better.” We began bickering back and forth as the argument escalated.

I knew that the media played a large role in promoting racism and it influenced many people. According to this website racism is a global issue faced by many countries. It is identified as a serious issue that can cause social unrest and moral panic in society. Racism also cause hate-crimes such as murder or racial harassment. I totally agree with this. It hurts to know that so many people look down at people like me. It is extremely saddening that people were being attacked because of their faiths, backgrounds and beliefs. No one deserves this.

In my defence I stated that neither I nor my friend lived in Forest Gate, Tower Hamlets or Green Street. We didn’t even live in the borough, we were just on our way home. I asked her why she was being so racist, she just rolled her eyes. That did it, my friend said to her “Yeah, just go on rolling your eyes. You might find a brain back there, you never know.”

The girl continued making stinging remarks about us ‘Paki’s and Bengali’s’. My friend argued that diversity and multiculture was something to be proud of, not shunned. Her exact words were ‘Yeah, multi Christian culture’. My jaw literally dropped at her utter stupidity. I have nothing against Christians at all but the words that came out of her mouth dripped with racism. She was racist, islamaphobic, xenophobic and downright rude. 

I did not make a single remark about her religion, race, background, faith or colour through all of this, yet she pressed on, enjoying watching me seethe and literally shake with anger. I held my tongue until I couldn’t take her taunts any longer. I had to let it all out.

“It’s because of close-minded people like you the world is a messed up place! You can’t see beyond yourself and respect others. YOU NEED TO GET OVER YOURSELF, GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND REALISE THAT YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN ME OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER!! I sat here taking your cr*p and listening to the trash coming out of your mouth. Well I’m tired of being the ‘better person’. I don’t need to take anything from you! Ever since I got on this bus you’ve been annoying me. Get lost, I don’t need any racist telling me how much they hate me, keep it to your disgusting self! ”

I fully acknowledge I shouldn’t have embarrassed her in front of everyone and I apologise for this but I hoped maybe next time she would think twice before insulting someone like she did me and my friend. 

However, some people just never learn. She carried on with “You won’t be accepted”. I was pretty sure she meant that society would never accept ‘people like me’. We (my friend and I) clearly told her that not everyone was simple-minded like her and that we did not need to be accepted by people like her when we were perfectly happy with ourselves and we accepted ourselves.

With no smart comebacks or rude replies left she swiftly exited the bus with “I’m leaving, you people get on my nerves, and I’m clearly wasting my time here.”

I think that we need to continue with our good deeds and sharing our good news and promoting when we do something good so people can see another side to us compared to what the media portray. We need to defend ourselves and others. I think we should also report these incidents. I recall a lady who was racially abused by a bus driver and a fellow passenger reported the bus driver and got him sacked. Little Lady described the girls uniform and I recognised which school she goes to, so I have e-mailed this account to the school to ask them to remind their students that racism is not acceptable. Finally I think we need to hold the media and the politicians to account for the vitriol of recent times. It has been far too easy for them to take the most vulnerable, voiceless people in society and use them to scapegoat and fear monger for votes and readership. People have read so many lies about us that sometimes even we start to think it is true. We need to step up our complaints and questioning of this causal racism and ignorant bigotry and prejudice.

We recently saw how the racist campaign for Mayor of London failed to prevent a Muslim Mayor being elected when Londoners saw through the dirty tricks. Now the onus is on each of us, Muslim or non-Muslim, immigrant or not to stand up to the lies and hate. Now it is no longer just a matter of principle, we are now witnessing it become real hate crime and racist abuse that even our children are not safe from.

Michael Rosen Letter on Trojan Horse Plot

If you've been following the news around the Trojan Horse Plot news story about Muslims in Birmingham trying to take over state schools (read more here, here, here, here and here), two things caught my eye this morning that might interest you.

The first is a letter from Michael Rosen, who is an wonderful children’s poet and writer and an atheist and asks people in this blog post to defend Muslims:

"I am an atheist and someone who hopes that one day we will have secular education in all schools.
I am an atheist who believes in religious toleration. On that basis, I think we have common ground.

I believe I am living in a country that does not believe in religious toleration. This is in spite of much talk about 'British values' which apparently refers to such things as 'democracy', 'freedom' and - ironically, 'religious toleration'!

I believe that I am living in a country that does not believe in religious toleration because one faith is being singled out for special treatment. This is not toleration, it is discrimination.

We know the examples:
highlighting segregation of sexes in schools where there are Muslims whilst it goes on for many different reasons in the education system as a whole, between schools, or within schools;
highlighting Muslim dress whilst the religious dress of other faiths is not mentioned...

So, my position is this: while we are in a situation in which we do not have universal secular education with religious toleration, we should aim for an end to all forms of 'cherry-picking' and 'selectivity' . We should oppose any attempt by politicians to select this or that part of one faith's practises as 'objectionable' whilst failing to notice that equivalents are practised by other faiths.

With this in mind, may I plead with practitioners and leaders of all faiths to regard these selective attacks on Muslims as an attack on you and indeed on all of us?

May I plead with you to point out to politicians exactly how some of their statements about Islam or about Muslim religious practices, could if applied consistently, apply to you?

At present, they are getting away with being selective because, in part, we do not hear your voices saying, 'Us too!'

When one group is attacked, we are all unsafe. You too. Please do not ever think that by politicians attacking one faith, your faith is made secure. Please speak out, call the politicians to account and show that their cherry-picking and selectivity for what it is: prejudice, discrimination or just cynical vote-seeking."

The second is  a column from a Muslim called Manzoor Mughal (who is the head of the Muslim Forum think-tank) in the Daily Mail (where else?) which talks about how shariah courts and the burkah are spreading, how France is a good example (really?) and how there shouldn’t be any Muslim schools:

"As chairman of the Muslim Forum, a think-tank on Islamic issues, and a long-standing community activist in the East Midlands, I have warned for more than a decade about the insidious spread of radicalism through our civic institutions.

Ten years ago almost to the day, I wrote in this newspaper about the dangers of giving into the demands made by a self-appointed group of Muslim academics and ‘community activists’ who complained of Islamophobia in our education system. 

Instead of greater integration, this political creed has promoted separatism by emphasising differences and encouraging minority ethnic groups to cling to the customs of their homeland.

In Birmingham, this has resulted in the rejection of western values by the governing bodies of too many Muslim-dominated schools.

Any reasonable parent would prefer their child to be reared in a school environment of freedom and intellectual inquiry that leads to decent job prospects, than inculcated with the destructive influence of religious separatism".

What I also found interesting was an article in the Guardian written by Michael Rosen (10th June 2014) about how the Department of Education has taken a more dictatorial approach o the provision of education in England over the years:

"Sceptics might point out that surely the secretary's powers are balanced by parliament, the civil service, advisers and the school inspectorate. Yet, what is clear from the last 20 years or so is that parliament has steadily withdrawn from its role in the sphere of education, as the decisions have become more and more detailed and technical. Meanwhile, anyone on the inside track in education knows that the civil service, the hired advisers and the inspectorate have become part of the secretary of state's fiefdom – either unwilling or unable to criticise the secretary's pet "reforms".

Further limits on absolute power did, quite rightly, come from teachers' professional organisations, university researchers in education and teaching unions. Since the days of Kenneth Baker, there has been a persistent and sustained attack on these three institutions as if they were ignorant, stupid, irrelevant and hostile to improving schools. This has been a way of curtailing debate in a field – education – that thrives on debate, whether that's at the level of ideas about education, or in the classroom itself.

While I'm on this matter of debate, I've been trying to track down where and when we voted for a government policy that seeks to induce, or require, all schools in England to become directly contracted to the secretary of state, as academies. I can remember being told that schools would "have the chance" to apply to be academies, but that's a different matter altogether. The truth is we haven't ever been given a chance to vote on this major change in our civil existence. You decided it."

Interestingly the Education Minister, Michael Gove the letter in the Guardian above is directed towards has been accused of Islamophobia for instance for his book Celsius 7/7, published in 2006, which, as the Huffington Post describes: "singles out political Islam, or Islamism, as a "totalitarian" ideology underpinned by "hellish violence and oppression" and compares it to the threat posed to the West by Nazism and communism."  The Muslim Public Affairs Committee don't seem to like him much either.

All of this does make you wonder what the real issue is and what the true story is.

The Most Racist Thing Ever?

I came across this interesting article in the Independent entitled “What's the most racist thing that's ever happened to you?” which asks prominent Black Britons the question, with some disturbing results.

It got me thinking though, about my experiences:

The times growing up I get snide comments and dirty looks (“God they’re everywhere!”)
The time I got spat by a young skinhead soon after 9/11
The time an old lady man swore at me in the city, again soon after 9/11
The time I was stopped by enormous, tattooed, armed police man and had my personal details taken in Westminster – not knowing what they would do with them.
The occasions I have been out with my children and had nasty comments and swear words muttered under people’s breath (although, these people don’t seem to have the nerve to say it to my face).

Reading what some of the contributors to the Independent article went through, the above lists seems pretty tame in comparison.

But the examples above have not particularly had an impact on me, apart from making me rather short-tempered with rude and racist people. When it comes to this kind of petty, spineless racists, you know where you stand and you move on and up and leave them standing open-mouthed.

The type of racism that has always bothered me is the more insidious kind. The kind that can come from the nicest people. People who don’t have bad intentions. The kind of prejudice that is built into their thinking and perspective. The times that come to mind include:

The time when a very nice lady at work tried to explain a very basic proverb to me, in a meeting.

The times I have overheard conversations about literature and culture that people never think to have with me.

The numerous times I have walked into shops and up to stall and had someone point at an item I am looking at and explain what it is (“Candle? You know, you light?” – honestly!).

Silly little things, but also daily reminders that people can’t imagine me as being British, a part of this countries culture or knowledgeable about “English” things.

Sometimes, this is understandable, there are lots of ladies that dress like me (abaya and scarf) that don’t speak English well, or are not interested in dystopian literature or art deco. But I am sure there are enough eloquent, intelligent, cultured Muslim sisters to challenge the stereotype that people have. What gets me is when it is people that should know better, who have good intentions who hold onto these stereotypes. These are the kind of people who are convinced that they don’t have any prejudices, when in reality, we all have our prejudices – it’s human nature I think.

Which makes me think. What prejudices do we hold? What stereotypes do we hold and how do they impact on the way we treat people. Something to think about.

There is one benefit to being stereotyped in this way. Whenever I am approached by the tenacious charity representatives with their direct debit forms that proliferate through London (called charity muggers or “chuggers” Shutterbug Sister informs me). I just turn to them and say in my poshest accent “No thank you, I don’t speak English”, the look on their faces is great fun.

Counting Our Blessings

Subhan’Allah I heard it again this morning:

“My sister-in-law had her baby, it was a girl”
“Never mind, it’s from Allah”
“Three girls”
“Oh well, it’s what Allah has decided, what can we do”

This from two good, pious, believing women. One educated, young and modern, the other an older woman, a mother herself who I thought had grown enough as a person to stop thinking and speaking in this way. That child is not a liability, she is a gift from Allah (SWT), a blessing, bringing an increase in rizq (income/sustenance) and a soul with the potential to change the world or at least bring some goodness and beauty into it.

The parents were hoping for a son so that they could stop having any more children. I know it’s easy for me to say, having two sons and with a daughter in a country where it is easier to be a women than most. It’s tough for parents of daughters in Pakistan. People worry about marrying their daughters and the costs of this (with dowry’s etc). People worry about how vulnerable women are, how easy it is to impugn a women’s honour and therefore the whole family or clan’s. They worry about the fact that even after their daughters are married, they are dependent on their husband and his family and therefore vulnerable.

I accept all of the above, but this is one thing I won’t be moved on. We need to start treating our daughters and sisters like the blessings they are. We need to educate and empower them through the teachings and history of Islam. We need to remind each other again and again of the stories of the women of the Sahabah (companions of the Prophet PBUH). The first Muslim – Lady Khadijah (RA) the noblewoman, Saffiyah bint Abdul Mutallib (RA) the matron and warrior, Sumaiyah (RA) the martyr, Hafsa (RA), the archivist and safe-keeper of the Quran, Zainab (RA) the philanthropist they called “Mother of the Poor”, Aisha (RA) one of the greatest scholars of Islam. These are a very few of the galaxy of amazing women who were at the fore front of Islam.

We need to keep going back to their stories, to keep telling our daughters, but also our mothers that women hold value, that daughters are precious and important, not second best or a consolation prize.
This is not a new topic for me, but it is one that I cannot let go of, I have to keep returning to it. I spoke to the sister who gave us the news of the new baby on the phone and we had a very long conversation about how lucky we are to have daughters, how blessed and undeserving we are. I made sure it was within earshot of the other sister who was commiserating. I think the parents of the new baby might be getting some positive reminders from this sister about how lucky they are.

May Allah (SWT) give us the sense to be grateful for what he gives us, to recognise the blessings and to learn from the lives of the great women who came before us insh’Allah, ameen.

Children and Dealing with Prejudice

My daughter said something a few days ago that stopped me in my tracks. We were out walking after dinner when we walked past a group of Roma standing in the street. As we passed them Little Lady held her nose and then let out a breath saying, “Phew, good job those smelly gypsies are left behind”. I was tempted to start telling her off. I hate racism, it is un-Islamic and inhumane in every way and makes my blood boil. Then I had to stop and consider that children are not born racist, they pick up their attitudes from those around them.

I am very aware of people from ethnic minority communities in this country being very vocal in their criticism and prejudices against the Roma. Every time someone opens their mouth to dismiss them, it makes me wonder why they cannot see the parallels between how they treat this new community in our midst and their own experience of coming to this country.

I accept that the way they live is different to what we are used to, but the way we live is in some ways different to what people were used to when we first came here. That’s not to say that whatever a person does we turn a blind eye, but Muslims and people from minority ethnic groups might have a got a grasp by now of how it feels when someone with the same background as you does something wrong and you are faced with the injustice of the whole community being tarred with the same brush.

In the end I explained to my daughter that when her beautiful, elegant grandmother first came to this country, she had to put up with people telling her that her clothes were funny, that they and their food smelled funny and that they should go home. I tried to give her an idea of how they were paid less for doing the same jobs as others and how often they had to do the worst kinds of jobs and live in not very nice homes with not much space. That now that the Roma are coming here, they are in a similar position and that she needs to consider if she wants to become like the people who were not very nice to her grandparents.

This is not the first time I have had to discuss matters relating to race with her, I remember when she had questions about darker skin and hair, but it was the first time I have heard her say something so overtly racist. I hope I have made her think and re-consider, because hating someone because of their ethnicity or background not only makes us incapable of being a fair and just individual, but also shuts you off from a world of culture and experience which would bring so much colour and learning into your life.

BTW - If you would like to learn more about prejudice towards Roma, a good blog I read sometime is Pesha's Blog.