International Women’s Day 2018

My office marked International Women’s Day 2018 with a series of talks by women discussing success, how they got to where they are today and how they balance the different parts of their life.  The conversations I am hearing around me are about gender parity, career progressions, self-belief and equal pay.  As a believer in fairness and justice all of these seem like noble things.

But when I think of International Women’s Day I think of my nan, a women I never met.  She died in childbirth when my mother was a little girl, her baby having died a few days earlier.  Maternal health and maternity care is a subject close to my heart, having been through seven pregnancies and having had five children.

Perhaps people don’t realise quite the impact that poor maternity care and the death of a mother can have on her family, her children and even the generations that come after.  My mother was never sent to school, no one bothered to send her, if her mother had been alive perhaps she would have fought for her daughter’s education in the way that her step mother ensured that her daughters went to school.  She married young and came to England where she was not always treated well by her in-laws.  Her illiteracy meant that she was isolated and in those days she could not always contact her family easily.  Her lack of a mother meant she was missing the strong advocate that could have fought her corner at such a testing time of her life.

Her illiteracy also meant that she was too intimidated to be involved in our school life and could not help with our school work, although later she pushed us all hard to get to university, even when my dad was against the idea for me.

Another impact on her of losing her mother at such a young age was that she never learned to show affection to her own children or to manage her own anger and pain in a reasonable way for most of her childhood.  It was only later as adults she started to hug and kiss us much to our absolute pleasure.  But it meant that for much of my early adulthood I was certainly a cold fish, being completely clueless about how to behave when friends hugged or showed me affection.

When my mum had her own children she missed out on all of the special care you receive from your mother following childbirth: the special food, the extra rest and care.  When it was my turn to have children, she simply didn’t know what was required of her, asking friends for advice that would have been passed down from her mother.

The point is that the influence of my nans death was felt through two more generations at least, perhaps more as I know I am still mitigating the effects of her death on my life.

People might complain that in the modern world there is no longer the need for feminism or International Women’s Day, but I would disagree.  Whilst there are places in the world that women cannot access decent healthcare or education, there is a need to keep pushing for progress.

Guest Post: Harlequin Teaset and International Women's Day 2018

I haven’t had time to write as much as I like today for International Women’s Day, but luckily my little sister has and I love how she has personalised it with anecdotes from my family.  She shares how precious having sisters is to us despite our squabbles and how we have come so far on the sacrifices that came before us:

Harlequin Teaset: International Women's Day 2018 

Today we celebrate International Women’s Day – a day which honours women’s achievements, their lives and the struggle for equality in this post-modern world. I’ve already heard criticism and grumblings though – some from women saying this day is full of hypocrisy, where companies cash in on a cheesy holiday, before going back to the uncomfortable reality where women aren’t all equal. I’ve also heard some from the men, who feel targeted, pushed out, marginalised and feel that it is unfair (to be honest, there is an International Men’s Day in November, but I’ve never seen it be celebrated).

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One of the reasons why I always like to talk about this day is because I know how much the women in my family have struggled in order for me to have the position, and privilege, that I enjoy today. My paternal grandmother spent her life looking after her husband, then her children, and then her last few years with her sons and grandchildren – but we all saw her as the matriarch, the Queen Bee of the family, and have such fond memories of her. We never knew our maternal grandmother as she died very young, but we have always held her in such high respect – the stories we grew up with about her focused on her being the jewel of her family, a much-wanted daughter and sister. One of the stories I remember being told was about her travelling in her ‘doli’ on her wedding day, and asking to stop so she could pray her salah – this for me was such a humble, awe-inspiring thing to do in the midst of a special day, and a reminder to not get too big for our boots.

And my mother. I could write pages about her. Whenever I read poetry about our roots, our struggles, our blessings, (“Our backs/Tell stories/No books have/The spine to/Hold” – Rupi Kaur), I always think of my mum and what she has taught us while she raised us, as well as what she has endured. My mother married young, and spent her life caring for others, where she never came first – her younger siblings, her husband, her children, her in-laws. I’ve heard a lot of stories from friends, colleagues, bloggers and many more about the relationships they’ve had with their parents, difficult or otherwise which all talk about how they impacted them as adults.

It’s harder to explain the more complex things someone who may not have the same upbringing as us – the emotional-blackmail, the cultural-family politics, the superstitions and the ingrained racism, misogyny and general random weirdness that seems to come part-and-parcel with Asian society. One of the things I was always grateful for was that my mother spared my sisters and I a lot of this headache – she realised the value of letting us be ourselves without forcing us to follow the route she had gone through. We spent our childhood running to the parks, riding bikes, dressing in boy-jeans (well, one of my sisters did anyway), wearing princess dresses (me), devouring books and jumping up and down to Bollywood songs (me again). Our parents were not well off, but my mother spent most of her spare time tailoring, and saved money carefully so that when we needed (or usually just wanted) something frivolous, we always got it.

And shall I tell you about my sisters? One is literally Superwoman – she blogs, works full time, raises five children and still has time for a good natter, to cook, to take her children somewhere fun or find something interesting to do, watch or read. Almost every person I know who also knows her ask me how she does it – I’m a little baffled myself. Then there’s another sister of mine – possibly the most humble person I know, and also the most reliable. I always take her shopping with me (because she lets me be rude to her when she picks out clothes) and she’s always my go-to person for taking photos, organising events or just generally random bits of handy-man advise. And lastly there’sthe baker in the family – when we were younger we used to get asked if we twins (we look nothing alike but used to be the same height as kids), and she’s probably one of the few people who loves horror movies way more than I do. I often find that she’ll say something I was thinking, usually the more stupid the more likely! When I was in school, I got told by one of my friends that I talked about my sisters ‘too much’, which I found weird – I always thought I was lucky to have sisters and have always felt sorry for those who don’t.

Having said that, as much as I understand how important it is to recognise and acknowledge the bounds and leaps that women have taken over the years, I feel that it is just as important to understand the issues that women still have. In my workplace I’ve often come across women who have problems, and still have them now. I met a very sweet Afghani women a couple of days ago who broke my heart with her story – she was a teacher in Afghanistan who taught a girl’s schools, but received many threats for doing so. Her son was abducted, his body found a year later. Her husband was injured in an explosion while driving to work, and she fled the country to Britain in fear of her life. When I went to visit her, her landlord took me aside and quietly asked me to be gentle with her – she had just found out her husband died the day before. Yet when I spoke to her I found her incredibly sweet, thoughtfully asking me if I wanted to sit, to drink anything. I found her strength of character amazing – she was in the middle of grieving yet had time to think of others. There are still countries where women do not have access to basic necessities – clean underwear, sanitary items, clean toilets and even basic rights and freedom. Its things like this which make us realise how much we take for granted, and how much the world still needs to go before we can consider ourselves equal or fair.

You can read the full article here and see more of her writing, art and general wierdness here and on her awe-inspiring instagram account here.

International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women

Today is the United Nation's International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. The Day is to raise awareness and announce the start of 16 days of activism against gender-based violence, with a focus on strategies to prevent violence against women and girls. The UN's website states that:

35% of women and girls globally experience some form of physical and or sexual violence in their lifetime

As a woman and a mother, that is a frightening and depressing statistic.  You would think that technology, education and globalism would have changed the world enough that people understand that it is just not acceptable to abuse a woman.

As a mother I am very clear with my children that it is never okay to hit a women or to accept being hit as a woman.  I support that with the guidance from my faith (from the Quran and the sayings of our beloved Prophet PBUH) that says:

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of their dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. - Quran (4:19)

Retain them [women] in kindness or release them in kindness. But do not retain them to their hurt so that you transgress (the limits). If anyone does that he wrongs his own soul. Do not take God’s instructions as a jest“ (Qur’an 2:231).

“The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.” (Qur’an, 9:71).

"The most perfect of the believers in faith are the best of them in morals. And the best among them are those who are best to their wives." [Narrated in Mosnad Ahmad, #7354, and Al-Tirmidhi, #1162]

A companion asked the Prophet of God what is the right of a wife over her husband?’ He said, "That you feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and do not strike her face. Do not malign her and do not keep apart from her, except in the house." (Abu Dawud).

In his last sermon Prophet Muhammad, peace be on him, cautioned the believing men to "be kind to women-you have rights over your wives, and they have rights over you." He also said, "Treat your women well, and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers."

That is not to say that Muslim's always act on Islam as they should or that violence against women is any less a problem for Muslims.  I think that's why its important for us all to be clear on our stance on it and for brothers to be clear in their position, as the white ribbons pledge says:

To "pledge to never commit, condone, or remain silent about violence towards women"

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I love the Muslims for White Ribbon campaign here that offers resources and a khutbah (Friday sermon) campaign to help promote the issue.

image source (original infographic here in large size)

Book Review: Hend Hegazi - Normal Calm

Nursing my little one means I have to sit still, something I am not good at and so I thought that this would be a good time to get reading again. Normal Calm by Hend Hegazi piqued my interest after a saw a review on Muslimah Media Watch, particularly as it broached themes that I hadn't seen touched on in Western literature before in this way.

A Normal Calm is the story of the young Arab American Muslimah Amina who finds herself the victim of rape by someone she trusts. The book follows her on her journey as she tries to come to terms with what has happened to her and the impact on those around her. It also explores the way in her wider community deal with what has happened to her, in particular potential spouses.

All of this is set in the context of Arab American life: the immigrant work ethic, the wish to see children succeed, the anxiety of parents at the prospect of letting their children go as they move forward in their lives. The book also addresses the problems someone who can clearly be identified as Muslim might face in America and the way Muslims integrate and interact with those around them.

The subject matter of this book is dealt with in a sensitive way and the attack on Amina which is fairly early in the book is not graphic or portrayed in a sensationalist way. Instead the book takes the time to follow Amina as she goes through the process of dealing with what has happened to her and how it impacts on her relationship with her parents, friends and potential partners.

The book is written in clear direct prose and moves between events at a fairly swift pace, which is enough to carry you through the book without losing interest so that you maintain a desire to find out how Amina fares. Alongside this the author makes use of dialogue between Amina and her non-Muslim best friend Kayla to try and explain why, as a Muslimah, Amina does things a certain way. This acts as a useful tool throughout the book to explain the role of faith in Amina’s life, the way it helps her in her hardest times and the role of particular elements of her faith (i.e. hijab). You can imagine many of these conversations happening between Muslims and curious non-Muslims in the real world.

I really loved the fact that the author gives a voice to a young Muslim woman – a demographic that is much stereotyped but sometimes not well understood. The book attempts to shine a light on the difficulties that these young women face in the West and also the lack of understanding that can come from their own communities and the reasons behind these.

The book left me with affection with Amina and some of the women around her and also some curiosity about the male characters in the book. I would definitely recommend this book, particularly to anyone trying to understand the role of faith in the lives of young Muslims and how this impacts the way they see and are seen by the world. A necessary and important book.

You can find out more at: Amazon, Goodreads, Facebook

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Pakistan, Islam, Culture, Media and the Treatment of Women

I don’t have a TV and I don’t tend to keep up with the news, but every now and again my husband watches the Pakistani news on the internet with his mum and I listen in with half an ear. Between that, an occasional peek at the BBC news website and links sent to me by various people to articles in the Daily Mail (my least, least, least favourite newspaper) I get an general view to what’s happening in the world.

One of the things that I have notice in recent years is some of the horrendous news coming out of Pakistan. Every time I am at my mum’s house and she is watching Geo TV or ARY News there is something else to make me feel upset. Hubby watches Geo TV or occasionally the Express News channel, which seems to be even more keen to throw up some of these stories. Over the last year or two I have seen news stories on, honour killings, child abuse, religious people (called Pirs in Pakistan) caught abusing women devotees, even cannibalism of all things?!?! A few weeks ago there was a story about a poor women whose husband got angry and chopped her legs off. The English news reported it vaguely and the news article had comments from readers making fun of the lady. Perhaps they should have got to see the Pakistani version on the TV news I saw at my mum’s house which showed the woman on her hospital bed writhing around with her eyes not quite focussed. I couldn't sleep that night and I couldn't get the image out of my head for days. I kept praying for her and for my children and family that God forbid they should ever have to bear or see anything like that.

Then yesterday I saw a story about a pregnant woman beaten to death outside the Lahore courthouse by her own family. Seriously what is happening over there? Has Pakistan suddenly become extremely brutal or have there always been these people around, but the media are much more able or keen to expose them? My parents and grandparents were from rural north Punjab and the Pakistan they spoke about was never like this. The Pakistan I visited as a child could occasionally be scary with it’s noise and chaos and with us being told not to step out the door alone in the cities in case someone took us (usually the “gypsies” or the hijra’s). But it never seemed to be like this.

I wonder of it is the media’s increasing thirst for a salacious story. I have noticed a disturbing trend in the news recently for the news reporters and the camera’s to intrude into hospital beds and the homes of people who have just lost someone. They will show people writhing in pain, comatose, people wailing as they hear of a death and relatives breaking down as a body leaves the home for burial, including wives and mothers screaming and being consoled by family members. I suspect that these people are not in any state to give the news people permission to come in.

I think in the past there was only one channel, which was the state-run PTV which was quite conservative and controlled in its output. Over the years independent channels have proliferated and have taken a much more “tabloid” approach to news, always on the look out for the story that is horrifying enough, salacious enough, shocking enough to give them the edge over their scores of competitors.

Part of me is pretty disgusted about the intrusion into the lives of traumatised and incapacitated people. This has included children. I remember one story where a young boy walked into his tuition class with a gun and shot a girl. Who knows why or if he meant it or understood what he was doing, but the police had the child sitting on a stool at the police station surrounded by camera’s and reporters shouting questions at him. Seriously? Standards anyone?

Another part of me is glad the media has grown a nerve and some teeth in Pakistan. The case of people like Mukhtaran Mai would never have gotten anywhere of it had not been for the media throwing a spotlight on the case and the story travelling around the world. Those that raped and beat her would never have been arrested (although they never ended up convicted) and she would have been one more woman forced to live with what happened to her with no hope of justice and the possibility of having to leave her home to escape further abuse (my review of her book is here). There are often like hers in Pakistan where the media catch wind of the story and run with it and something happens or there is public pressure for the police to do something.

What made me think of this today, was that when I got to work this morning, a colleague asked me about the recent Lahore court house murder. He could not understand how someone could set aside their love for their own child and beat them to death for something like honour. He blamed religion and politics for most of the worlds problems, saying he could not understand how someone could take the Quran so literally they would do something like this in this day and age. He felt as if the Quran and the words of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) were from the middle ages and had nothing to do with today.

Needless to say we had a long conversation.

I explained that Islam gave everyone the right to choose who to marry and that no-one could force or stop you. I explained that this was a cultural phenomenon in South Asia where there were very strong ideas about how women should behave and about controlling women, including choosing who they marry. I gave the example of something Sheikh Muhammad Alshareef said during a Red Pill seminar of his I attended. He felt that South Asian parents often overstepped the mark when it came to their children’s marriages, thinking they had a final say in who their kids married rather than advising them on their choice.

I tried to explain how Pakistan was a patriarchal culture which traditionally had certain ideas about how women should behave. For example in the way my dad wanted me to marry a certain person I could not stand or my brothers-in-law were a little uncomfortable with my big laugh. Not that I married who my dad wanted, or stopped laughing. But those ideas are always there – well-raised women don’t speak or laugh too loudly (yes but all Punjabi’s speak loudly), red lipstick is bad (but my favourite, the darker the better), good girls do what their parents say and marry who their parents choose (oh dear, I am failing all of these), good girls do what their in-laws say, they don’t answer back, they are obedient, well-trained and domesticated (sounds like a dog). Their behaviour reflects on their family in a way its doesn't for men – hence the occurrence of honour killings for perceived slights of honour.

Often these things are a way to control not just women but the families property and money. You don’t give the women her share of the parents family's inheritance after she is married off, a wife is side-lined, chased away or even burnt alive at one time in India once she is widowed so she doesn't get anything from her families estate.

Islam gives women a voice, it gives them rights and a level of independence through the right to inherit and have their own money, the right to work and run a business. The right to choose who they marry and if they choose not to stay with that person, the right to divorce. Islam is very different and separate from the South Asian culture that beats a pregnant woman to death in broad daylight in a public place.

Saying that Pakistan is not the only country that has to deal with violence against women. The domestic violence charity Refuge cites statistics on their website saying that in the UK 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime and on average, 2 women a week are killed by a current or former male partner.

There seems to be something that runs through human nature that allows some of us to prey on the weakest and most vulnerable amongst us, regardless of religion or culture.

Pakistan also seems to have an issue with maintaining law and order. I was brought up with horror stories from my parents about the police beating you up and my family has always had an aversion to going near any police even in this country. In my grandfathers village problems were resolved through a council made up of the local villages (the panchayat) which he sat on along with his brothers and friends. The panchayat was public and people went to it because it was trusted. There were alliances within the panchayat, which indicated that the whole thing was not completely always impartial, but people still preferred it to going to the police who no one trusted. Tellingly, one of my grandfathers “pancharay” or friend and ally on the panchayat was a local policeman who lived in one of the nearby villages. Also interesting, is that I have never heard of there being women on this panchayat.

Some things have changed, the old men of the panchayat are mostly now dead and the younger ones have not taken up the mantle. I am not aware that any panchayat meets now and even if it did, the young are educated, have moved to the city and would probably not take a blind bit of notice of anything that the panchayat advised. So what would be the point? Some things haven’t changed though, people still don’t like to involve the police if it can be avoided. This means people do bad things knowing there is a good chance they can get away with it.

Finally, my colleague made an interesting point about religion being from and suitable for the Middle Ages. He didn't think that anyone followed the Bible literally any more, or the Quran or what the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said any more.  How could what was said then apply to this day and age. I explained that for Muslims what was said then did apply now and we did still take it literally and follow it. Most of the guidance and rules applied to situations which were consistent through time: we still have children and we still need to raise them properly, we still marry and need to learn to live together, we still have to manage money and need to know how to do this fairly for ourselves and others.

It seems to me that Islam is very much valid and necessary for the problems of modern life – family breakdown, domestic abuse, environmental problems, rampant consumerism, the sexualisation of children, the objectification of women and many other things that we are faced with today.

I like the early morning conversations we occasionally have at work, certainly makes me think and keeps me on my toes.

I pray for Pakistan and the poor people involved in the crazy stories coming out of that country at the moment. I pray that the country find some peace and stability, that justice is established and that the poor and the vulnerable are cared for and not brutalised and oppressed. I pray that something of the innocence and goodness my grandparents used to speak of when describing the people of Pakistan is restored one day insh’Allah.

Counting Our Blessings

Subhan’Allah I heard it again this morning:

“My sister-in-law had her baby, it was a girl”
“Never mind, it’s from Allah”
“Three girls”
“Oh well, it’s what Allah has decided, what can we do”

This from two good, pious, believing women. One educated, young and modern, the other an older woman, a mother herself who I thought had grown enough as a person to stop thinking and speaking in this way. That child is not a liability, she is a gift from Allah (SWT), a blessing, bringing an increase in rizq (income/sustenance) and a soul with the potential to change the world or at least bring some goodness and beauty into it.

The parents were hoping for a son so that they could stop having any more children. I know it’s easy for me to say, having two sons and with a daughter in a country where it is easier to be a women than most. It’s tough for parents of daughters in Pakistan. People worry about marrying their daughters and the costs of this (with dowry’s etc). People worry about how vulnerable women are, how easy it is to impugn a women’s honour and therefore the whole family or clan’s. They worry about the fact that even after their daughters are married, they are dependent on their husband and his family and therefore vulnerable.

I accept all of the above, but this is one thing I won’t be moved on. We need to start treating our daughters and sisters like the blessings they are. We need to educate and empower them through the teachings and history of Islam. We need to remind each other again and again of the stories of the women of the Sahabah (companions of the Prophet PBUH). The first Muslim – Lady Khadijah (RA) the noblewoman, Saffiyah bint Abdul Mutallib (RA) the matron and warrior, Sumaiyah (RA) the martyr, Hafsa (RA), the archivist and safe-keeper of the Quran, Zainab (RA) the philanthropist they called “Mother of the Poor”, Aisha (RA) one of the greatest scholars of Islam. These are a very few of the galaxy of amazing women who were at the fore front of Islam.

We need to keep going back to their stories, to keep telling our daughters, but also our mothers that women hold value, that daughters are precious and important, not second best or a consolation prize.
This is not a new topic for me, but it is one that I cannot let go of, I have to keep returning to it. I spoke to the sister who gave us the news of the new baby on the phone and we had a very long conversation about how lucky we are to have daughters, how blessed and undeserving we are. I made sure it was within earshot of the other sister who was commiserating. I think the parents of the new baby might be getting some positive reminders from this sister about how lucky they are.

May Allah (SWT) give us the sense to be grateful for what he gives us, to recognise the blessings and to learn from the lives of the great women who came before us insh’Allah, ameen.

Muslim Women and Sports Participation

I was doing some research for work today on equality in sports participation and one of the most striking findings I came across was the lack of participation of Muslim women in Sports. Quite a few of the research reports and studies had attempted to gauge the reasons why Muslim women did not participate in sports, both at a personal and competitive level. Some of the reasons were spot on, others were missed out, many I think because people don’t like to talk about them. I think this is an issue we should make our voices heard on, so I have listed some of the reason’s I think Muslim women don’t participate in sports and physical education:

1. Many of us have had a bad experience of Physical Education (PE) in school. PE teachers who just had no idea what our needs were and who were not willing to be flexible. Some of the reports touched on this, but did not give reasons as to what those negative experiences were.

2. One of these was dress. Having been raise to cover my arms and legs, then having to wear a swimming costume or shorts or even shorter PE skirt was a no-no. So even with a jogging bottom, I still had to wear a half-sleeved t-shirt which I didn’t like.

3. Which leads to teenagers and body hair - embarrassing I know, but these are the things that no-one talks about and so PE teachers and coaches can’t be considerate of. When most people reach teenage, they have a fine down of blonde hair on their arms and legs which no-one really notices. When Muslim (actually read Asian) girls hit teenage, you get fair-ish skin with a layer of dark, very visible hair. This is usually at an age before they learn about the technicalities of shaving/waxing and so exposing arms and legs can be utterly excruciating for that awkward year or two.
4. Staying on embarrassing topics, periods is again something that affects everyone. However, Muslim girls prefer not to use tampons as they have anxieties about them breaking the hymen. So swimming is a no during this time of the month. I remember bunking off numerous swimming lessons, despite being a good girl at school and knowing I would be caught because the PE teacher just did not understand this issue.

5. Mixed-gender lessons. We were still doing swimming with the boys until about the second or third year of high school (about age 12-13). After this the girls were split, but the life-guard was a man. Hence the bunking. Not all, but many Muslim women feel more comfortable in a women only environment, especially if they have removed their abayah or headscarf for the occasion.

6. Lack of support at home. Even where Muslim girls are keen on sports (again read Asian girls mostly), parents are not always supportive. The way many parents used to think when I was younger was that what was the point of doing a sport if it wasn’t going to help you become a doctor, lawyer or get married. Especially if it was going to cost you money or mean you would be away from home in the evenings or overnight.

7. Timing of sports practice and events. Many sports lessons or practice sessions happen in the evening when Muslim children are often having their Islamic or Quran studies. These can last between 30 minutes to two hours and don’t leave much time for other activities. Many sports events and competitions happen away from home and mean participants have to travel. Parents don’t always like their daughters staying out in the evening or staying elsewhere overnight. There is the worry as to who they will be mixing with and what they will be doing. This lack of permission for some young girls severely curtails their opportunities to participate and even means young women avoid bothering with extra-curricular and competitive sports altogether – they know there is no point in getting involved, when they won’t get permission to pursue it further.

Fortunately, generations younger than mine are seeing some change. Most schools allow hijab and modest dress for PE now. There are modest options available, like the burkini. We have lots of amazing role models coming through (Ruqaya Al Ghasara, Ambreen Sadiq, Sara Khoshjamal-Fekri, Bilqis Abdul-Qaadir). Parents are starting to understand the importance of physical education and sports participation to a healthy body and long-term lifestyle.

Interestingly, one study found that people’s views on sport were affected by whether they identified themselves by their culture or religion:

Many Muslim women are constrained by their ethnic backgrounds from participating in sport. For example, research conducted by the WSFF on Bangladeshi women found that they led sedentary lives with little priority given to exercise and physical activity, as it conflicted with their role as a mother and homemaker. Asian cultural ideologies do not always promote exercise and physical activity for women, although many of the women in the research understood its significance for health. A study in Norway showed that Muslim women who identified themselves in terms of their ethnicity were not interested in participating in sport as it challenged the boundaries of femininity and cultural identity. Those who regarded religion as a source of identification, viewed physical activity positively as it was in line with Islam’s stance on health.

This is consistent with the Islamic view that our bodies are an Amanah or trust from Allah (SWT) that must be looked after. I hope that listing some of the reason’s Muslim girls and women tend to participate in sports less will lead to some understanding on the part of sport and PE providers, but particularly parents. One generation of confused, extremely embarrassed and not very sporty teenage girls is enough I think.

Book Review: Donna Gherke-White: The Face Behind The Veil

With its somewhat dramatic cover, I was drawn to this book immediately when I saw it.

Donna Gherke-White has interviewed Muslim women from all over America to get to the core of what it is to be a Muslim woman in America today. Her interviews include professionals, stay-at-home mums and students. She has recorded her conversations with immigrants, refugees and American-born women, with born-Muslims, reverts and even people who felt they had to leave the faith. If nothing else her range of interviewees could at least be called diverse.

I loved that this book gave women the chance to express themselves, often in their own words. Gherke-White is sympathetic and respectful and makes a real effort in this book to understand the answers to the questions she raises.

I also enjoyed reading about my sisters across the pond – their lives, their struggles and how they have fought for better lives for theirselves and their children without compromising their faith. The book gave me a real insight into some of the differences between Muslim communities in America and here in the UK. The real can-do attitude the American sisters have adopted and the way they have really thrown themselves into public life, activism and charity work, much more so than here. The way they have integrated so fully into American life and see themselves first and foremost as American and have a sense of real loyalty to their country, again something that is not as strong here where many Muslims have divided loyalty between Britain and their country of origin. The way the mosque has become a community meeting place for Muslims in America and the level of participation of Muslim women. A few attempts have been made to raise the issue of equal access for women to mosques here but nothing substantial and women do not often attend the mosque in many UK communities.

Another thing that really got me, was I recognised one of the sisters in the book although I have never met her- and my respect for her has only grown.

I would definitely recommend this book for anyone interested in Muslim women and curious to know whether the stereotypes and images in the media hold any truth. It might also be useful to anyone looking to convert to Islam and wanting some real examples of people who have converted and what this has meant for them.

Stories from the Front Line

I was asked to translate for one of the Councillors over the phone this morning when a lady called up in deep distress. I usually put my name forward for Urdu, Hindi or Punjabi speaking constituents because I think of people like my mum and gran who had the same language barriers when they first came to this country.

I spent a harrowing hour listening to this women’s account of marriage at 13, coming to the UK as a teenager, two physically and mentally abusive marriages, losing custody of five children to her first husband because she could not defend herself against (she claims) her husbands untruthful allegations of child abuse and now threatened with the loss of her two children from her second marriage.

She cried and ranted and whimpered through her tears about the suffering of her older children at her first husbands hands – the daughter married to an abusive husband and threatened with the loss of her children herself, the sons dealing in drugs, one son in prison. She spoke about her younger children being bullied in school and teachers not taking her seriously and viewing her as ignorant, the infidelity of her second husband, the allegations of sexual abuse against her children flung around by both parties (in more detail than I asked for or wanted to know).

It took my breath away when she spoke about going to school one day and being told by teachers that she couldn’t take her child home as Social Services would be taking them. I think I would die…I think I would have screamed the place down anyway. This lady says she just collapsed. Ya Rabb, to put your body and your soul through the trauma and bliss of pregnancy, childbirth and child rearing again and again and to have it all snatched in one go.

It was unnerving to hear her pepper her conversation with the most horrendous Punjabi swear words (if you really need to swear – do it in Punjabi, it's enough to make you blush to your ankles). It was also unnerving that she did something one of my aunt’s lovely neighbours often does (a trait I have seen in other Pakistani women too): cry, talk some, cry some more, suddenly stop and comment on the noise of the traffic, start telling her story again, cry some more, suddenly stop and launch into a volley of insults at her husband and then plead and cry again.

That was one side of the story, I have no idea what the other side looks like. It makes me think though. This is Britain, yet the events described by her reminded me of the suffering of women in Afghanistan (post below) and this is not the only call I have had like this (though it was the worst).

I was supposed to remain neutral, but felt like I had to console her. I spoke with her about Allah (SWT)’s promise that after difficulty comes ease and that Allah (SWT) never burdens a person with more than they can bear. I didn’t feel like my words could help much though. May Allah (SWT) have mercy on that women and her children insh’Allah.

My Sisters in Afghanistan

This article has made me feel sick to my stomach. As a Muslim, it angers me that my faith is abused so, as a human being and woman it pains me that people still live like this and the rest of the world turns a blind eye. This is nothing but complete injustice. The way these women are treated reminds me of the time of Jahaliyah – it looks like some people have still not emerged from that time. I cannot see change coming any time soon for these women though. Pakistan has the same problem of treating rape victims as criminals under their Hudood Ordinance Laws.

I know that the Quran says that “Allah does not change a people's lot unless they change what is in their hearts” (13:11), but Allah (SWT) is also just and his mercy and his love know no bounds. How do we allow this to carry on knowing these women are out sisters?

Thankfully there are good brothers and sisters out there that are struggling towards change, more non-Muslim than Muslim, although looking round, there still doesn't seem to be that much focussed on helping women in prisons:

Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan
Islamic Relief
The Afghan Women's Mission
Medica Mondiale
Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission
Support Association for the Women of Afghanistan


"And when the news of (the birth of) a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief! He hides himself from the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonor or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision." ~ Quran 16:58-59

"O You who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at time of marriage) you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good." ~ Quran 4:19