Quarantine Stories: Schooling and Wellbeing.

We are now well into the third lockdown in London and the second stint of home-schooling. I remember how relieved I was when the children went back to school, thinking to myself: “I am never doing this again”, only to find myself there again less than six months later:

Home schooling five children

Navigating GCSE’s, A ‘levels, University application, a last minute sixth form application and GCSE options for next year.

Trying to support an eight your old that cried every morning during online lessons for weeks.

With one eye on a six-year-old little wildling that has no intention of sitting through a whole lesson.

Checking every hour between meetings on the boys to make sure they are not falling asleep mid class.

Trying to keep everyone talking to try and gauge how they are feeling.

Work with tasks piling up and meetings through the day (with various interruptions from various people, I have mastered the art of dirty looks and a viciously whispered “go away” now and again)

Trying to find a way to manage meals for five children and two adults, three times per day.

Studying for my Masters degree with online classes and research and reading for two assignments.

But something is different this time around.

At Christmas I took two weeks leave from work to coincide with the children winter holidays. I spent the time in rest, reflection, and to clear my head from work, study and home-school. It made a world of difference. It allowed me to get some perspective and set some boundaries:

No working long hours

Being clear on my priorities – worship and children

Weekly planning for things like meals, meetings and housework.

Protecting my “me time” for journaling, blogging.

Committing to learn to rest and not feeling guilty about it.

It takes me daily reflection and review of my day to try and stick to these principles, to stop myself working into the evening, stressing about home school and constantly overthink.

I have found doing less make me more peaceful and less stressed out, but also funnily, more productive.

I am still counting the days till they can go back to school. I am still very worried about my sons GCSEs and I still wonder how I am supposed to do everything I want at work and with my personal projects. But I am peace with the idea of imperfection, not finishing things, of a messy house and the art and practice of keeping my heart full of gratitude.

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Picture of the Day 12.02.20: View of the Olympic Park

I had to visit the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park for work today, this is the view from one of the buildings – I thought it was absolutely fantastic.

Office Jewellery Making Club

A lady from my office posted on our work online notice board if anyone was interested in joining her to learn about jewellery making during our lunchtimes.  She was a big fan of jewellery making and it would be an excuse to get away from her desk at lunchtime.

As another fan of crafts and jewellery making and another person who works through lunch, eating at her desk, except to stop for prayers, I decided to join her.

We met with a few others and got talking and sharing ideas. Her work is amazing and we enjoyed looking at the examples she brought in:

So the following week, I took in some of my beads and asked her to show me some techniques:

I had these very pretty square blue beads and wasn’t sure how to make best use of them. The resident expert bead weaver showed me how to wrap wire to create different types of links and clasps. I made a few messy attempts, but now I’m very keen to practice and make a whole bracelet.

I shared the beads with another lady who wanted to try her hand, and she made these pretty earrings.

Now I’m looking forward to my weekly making and chatting lunches, it’s inspired me to play with my beads again insh'Allah.

Office Eid Party Craziness

Last week was out staff Eid party.  Part of my job is to encourage staff to understand and celebrate the diversity of our communities and also our staff.  One way of doing this is through staff events.  Last year we held an event telling people about Ramadan and a staff Eid lunch.  For our first few events we struggled to get people to come along, but over the course of the year people started taking an interest, also food is a great way to break down barriers. 

This year I found some sisters who were interested in helping to organise and we made posters for the prayer room.  We posted on the online staff message board and sent people invitations.  Then we all cooked and hoped for the best.

On the day, one of the sisters helped me to decorate the staff lounge – she does party décor in her spare time and was really good.  I also brought in my banners and Eid poster frames.

Alhamdulillah the sisters involved were all amazing cooks and keen to share their food with others.  We had sooo much food: jollof rice (veg and non-veg), chickpea curry, lamb seekh kebabs, samosa chaat, a number of different types and sizes of samosa’s and spring rolls, Bombay aloo, pasta, dhokla, salad, tuna pinwheels and pasties and lots and lots of sweets.  The brothers were good too, their contribution was to go to the shop and buy hot wings and chips.

We did start off laying it our nicely, but it just kept coming:

One sister made three trays of samosa chaat (on the right below). This is samosa’s layered with chickpeas, yoghurt, spices and green chutney.  Most people hadn’t seen anything like this before so were trying it for the first time and loved it.

The Gujerati sister was representing with dhokla, no Gujerati function is complete with dhokla. The sister was so sweet, she had heard about our Eid party last year but was at a different office, this year she had moved to our office and was looking out to see if we would do it again. She brought along five or six beautifully made little dishes along with the dhokla including samosa’s, sweet colourful rice and dates.

The sister who was a whizz at décor was Nigerian, so made Jollof rice, a veg and non-veg version.  Alhamdulillah she filled these cool double hot pot and also a cool box – big heart, big portions alhamdulillah.

There was so much food we separated all the dessert onto a separate table: cake, chocolates, dates, fruit, sweet rice, homemade biscuits and cake bars

One sister made three trays of samosa chaat (on the right below). This is samosa’s layered with chickpeas, yoghurt, spices and green chutney.  Most people hadn’t seen anything like this before so were trying it for the first time and loved it.

It was a really nice event and I think it will become an annual fixture in my office insh’Allah.  I hope next year we get even better at getting more people involved.  A nice outcome was that I got to know lots of Muslim sisters in the office and many are keen to create an informal group for Muslims to support each other in future insh’Allah.

Picture of the Day 23.05.19: St Martin-in-the-Fields

I don’t commute into the city anymore thankfully, but had to travel to Trafalgar Square for a work conference.  I didn’t like the commute much (personal space is a good thing in my opinion), but I have to admit I was excited at getting away from my desk to somewhere interesting.  Even more so when I googled the location, and realised it was St Martin-in-the-Fields the iconic church near Trafalgar Square that it is kind of in the background, but you don’t really think of.

It turned out that there is a modern looking entrance a few metres away that leads you underground to conference rooms and a cafe under the crypt.  I spent the day there listening to speakers talking about children’s rights and how we can protect them and give children a voice in things that matter to them and affect them.  A really interesting day and I learned so much.

I had a wander around during the lunch break to see the mini gallery of paintings.  The pics below are the ceiling of the café and from the walkway which is made up of ledger stone's commemorating the dead.  

I wouldn’t mind coming back here for lunch or coffee with one my sisters to soak up the atmosphere.

Picture of the Day 25.02.19: Daffodils

I always look out for the first daffodils of the year.  Cheerful and resilient even while the weather is still cold, I saw these while I was on my travels for work. I got off the bus a stop early by mistake and then had to walk quite some way with my heavy laptop bag and handbag.  I was nervous because I had to deliver a talk to a big group of managers from a partner organisation.  The daffodils outside of the venue cheered me up, the talk was well received (on diversity and changing communities) and I took this pic as I enjoyed the flowers on the way back out.

Muslim Women Role Models

I might have mentioned (about half a dozen times) that I have really been enjoying my new job.  I have been working across a wide variety of disciplines: strategy, policy, business planning, community engagement and cohesion, equality and diversity, project management, data analysis and research.  It has been a good six months of learning new things and being upskilled, with a little blagging going on (fake it till you make it right? 😊).

Last week I started working with a new manager who wanted to know what I was working on and how he could support me.  He asked me where I saw myself in five years.  His questions stumped me.  I didn’t really want to say doing his job, but to be honest, doing this job felt like it had opened lots of doors for me and I couldn’t decide which one to go through and which road to follow.

I explained that although my family and husband especially supported me, I had no support from my peers or community.  As a very religious community of Muslims, I didn’t really know another religious Muslim woman in my personal circle that worked or put any emphasis on a career, I did know quite a few who frowned on my working and had tried to discourage me (with the best of intentions I assume).  I also explained that I didn’t really know anyone who had pursued a career in my area of work and done well, I didn’t really have role models or examples of religious Muslim women who balanced home, family and work, without compromising their faith.  I think my answer surprised him.  He encouraged me to look into options for further study (I mentioned I have been thinking about doing a Masters for some time) and to let him know what I was interested in and he would find me work and literature that would be of interest.

I left the meeting no clearer on what I wanted.  But it did make me think about who around me inspired, challenged or encouraged me.  Alhamdulillah my greatest role models are the Mothers of the Believers, the blessed wives of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and their beautiful characters and actions.  These are followed by the women amongst the Prophet’s Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) and the amazing lives they led.

In modern times I admire people like Sarah Joseph, Salma Yaqub, Ibtihaj Muhammad, Dalia and Yasmin Mogahed, Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, Yvonne Ridley, Ingrid Mattson, Linda Sarsour…and to be honest I struggled to think of any more.

I intend to be open minded, to keep working on different things and see what resonates the most, maybe that’s what I’ll do my Masters in, who knows.  If I get half  a moment, I might sign up for a mentoring programme or who knows, even offer to be a mentor.

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I am curious, for sisters who were the first in their family, community or chosen field to study, work, start a business or serve their community in some way: who were your role models?  Were there none?  Did you feel like a trail blazer? Did you open the door for others? Did you feel isolated or held back in some way?

Eid Lunch at Work

During the middle of Ramadan I asked for volunteers at work for an Eid lunch for the week after Eid.  Alhamdulillah two lovely ladies came forward and worked to organise a lunch open to all staff in our office.

We worked together to promote the event, encourage people to bring a dish, find a henna artist (one of our very talented colleagues) and encourage people around us to join in.

Despite our worst fears, lots of people came.  We got lots of positive feedback and the food was polished off.

I brought in the lamb chops, chicken tikka, the kebabs and a big tub of salad:

The henna artist also made this cake.  She is awesome and always helps out with any event we suggest (like the Ramadan Q&A we ran earlier for staff).  It was originally round, but her nephew took a swipe and grabbed a chunk, so she had to repair it and turn it into a crescent moon.  We teased her about her special "Eid cake".

In putting the word out for help for the Eid lunch, I found that Muslim ladies at our other offices were also arranging Eid lunches that week, including two sisters who cooked a full three course meal for their team by themselves.  I asked them to send pictures of their events to share on the office online message boards so that people could see the what had been happening.

Harlequin tells me the Muslim’s at her office also got together and paid for 100 samosa’s which disappeared like lightening.  I suspect there were a lot more lunches and events like this, which is heartening.  I pray for a future when Muslims are not demonised, but known for our best qualities: trying to help and serve others insh’Allah

Healthy Office Pot Luck

Someone at my office had a nice idea of hosting a healthy pot luck lunch.  I am always up for any work social occasion, especially if involves food:

A colleagues made these mini wraps and someone on Instagram has asked for the recipe, I will see if I can get it to share.

I made this salad that I tried at my brother’s house on Eid and loved.  It contains salad greens, cucumber, celery, pine nuts, apple and grapes.  Sounds strange but tasted fab, I will share the recipe including my dressing when I get a moment.

What is your signature dish?  What do you take to a pot luck or one dish? What would your healthy contribution be?

Ramadan Work Panel

I am sure I am not the only working Muslim that gets asked lots of questions about fasting as Ramadan approaches:

Why do you fast?

Can you not eat anything?

Not even drink water?

How many hours?!?

So this year I organised a staff questions and answer session open to everyone in my organisation to ask us questions about Ramadan.  I left a notice in the prayer room asking for panel members with different experiences of Ramadan – fasting, not fasting, can’t fast and spoke to the Muslims I knew.  Alhamdulillah I got a good response and ended up with a large panel.

On the day of the staff panel, the turn out included staff, managers and directors.  There were some really sensible questions:

How can we support you in the workplace?

Do you mind us eating in front of you?

Is it ok to offer Muslim clients water?

Is it wrong to book client appeals on Eid day?

I typed up all of the questions and shared them on the company message boards for people who couldn’t attend.  It was a lot of fun and a really nice chance to network with people.

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Full Days

It’s just over a month at my new job and I am still enjoying myself. I have been meeting community groups, brainstorming ways to celebrate diversity, learning about community cohesion, writing a guide to prayer room usage, updating internet pages and generally doing what my geeky self considers fun. The people I work with are really nice and the days go by in a blur.

I like that I have the option of dropping the kids off before work and taking a walk at lunchtime. I’ve even lost a few pounds because I am busy enough to stop boredom-eating alhamdulillah.

On the flip side, moving to working five days from four has been a painful transition. I have lost my breathing space, my Friday morning 9am golden hour after the kids have been dropped to school. My days are so full with learning new things that I come home tired and wanting to focus on simple things – housework, cooking, cleaning, children’s homework and bedtime routines. Those are the things that help me to wind down and let go of all of the things I have to keep on top of in the office. My house has never been so tidy.

All of this leaves little room for creativity and trying new things. There is enough trying new things at work and enough space to be creative that I just want to veg out at home. So at times like this I return to what I have always done when overwhelmed: go back to the basics. Focus on gentle routines, try to get enough sleep. The children can often be my biggest source of anxiety, so making sure they are eating properly, going to bed on time, these things help me to feel calm and organised.

It’s taken a month to feel settled including a period where I freaked out a bit in the middle thinking “OMG I can’t do this” before I resorted to making lots of lists and breaking down everything I had to do.

So finally, I feel like I am getting used to the change in hours, routine and intensity of work. Maybe this weekend I’ll venture out and try something new.

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Small Things that Make a Difference: Wudhu at Work

I have been at my new job a week and a half and I am thoroughly enjoying it alhamdulillah.  The day goes by in a flash, I am learning so much and there is lots of opportunity to be creative and throw around ideas.

One of the areas I am doing a lot of work in at the moment is Equality and Diversity, both internally as a workplace and externally as part of a wider community. It’s funny though, sometimes its small things that can make such a difference as a Muslimah in the workplace.

There seems to be some cultural sensitivity and understanding, in that male co-workers haven’t tried to shake my hand.  My manager is really supportive about my need to pray and best of all, there is a good facility to make wudhu (ablutions) for prayer.

Pretty much in every place I have worked, I have made wudhu in the disabled bathroom for privacy and almost in every case this has a very small sink with a tap that sprays everything and leaves you and your surroundings dripping wet.  I wear a plain abaya, so wearing any colour other than black makes it very visible that you are walking around with the front of your clothes wet.  In the last place I worked the disabled toilets were locked and only those with the pass keep could access them.  One toilet was left unlocked, but on more than one occasion I went to use only to be told off for trying to use a disabled loo.

In my current workplace, there is a disabled toilet on every floor with a shower.  People use the showers after exercise etc, so I don’t feel like I will be told off for using it to make wudhu.  Best of all the sink is big, the taps flow freely rather than spray everywhere. 

I have struggled with praying at work for years, not because of the prayer, but because it always felt like so much work washing up for prayers.  It was always a relief when I was on my period and didn’t have to pray and could avoid the rigmarole of taking everything off, getting wet and messy, then cleaning everything up – all as fast as possible in the hope that no one is waiting outside to moan at you.  I had to remind myself that the ablutions are as much a part of the prayer as the prayer itself.

Now it’s a relief that I can relax when I make wudhu, there is space to put my things and there is a clean space to wash up.  I think it’s something I will raise with my employers to let them know it might seem like a small thing, but it makes a difference and has really improved my experience at work.

My wudhu bag for work

First Day in the New Job

After a month long break I finally started in my new job today.  The original plan was to leave my old job and start in the new one the following week.  I think I would have started the new role on a high and full of confidence from my previous job.  As things worked out, I had a month long break and spending a month away gives you time to over think things and start questioning/doubting yourself.  Spending a month with a grumpy teen, warring boys and crazy babies also leaves you wondering if you could string a sentence together out loud that doesn’t involve shouting, cajoling or nagging.

I was a little nervous, but my siblings and friends messaged me in the morning to wish me luck and my friend F had good advice: make friends and play nicely – and that is exactly what I hope to do.  In contrast Little Lady bid me goodbye in the morning and wished me luck in her own way by saying “Don’t get sacked mum!”

So I was grateful to finally get started today.  I was lucky to get a gentle start and spend the day making introductions, understand what everyone was doing, find the prayer room and getting set up with my laptop.  I was surprised how exhausted I was for how little I felt I had done, it must have been the effect of trying to take everything in.

I think the easy start was just for the first day, my second day is already filled almost completely with meetings.  I am grateful though, the work is interesting and touches on things that I am passionate about (like equality and diversity and community cohesion) and will give me the chance to write lots.

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Picture of the Day 10.01.018: Good Intentions and Good Luck Gifts

I did have good intentions for the month long gap I have had between jobs: experiment with an online shop, try drop-shipping, finish an e-book, try a few online courses, but when it came to it, I decided that I was unlikely to get another opportunity to forget work so thoroughly and just give myself a break

In the end I did the minimum – getting the house in order, getting systems in place to keep organised (like a system for paperwork) doing some reading for the new job, reading for pleasure, journaling and watching way too much rubbish online.  I spent my time with the children either during their Christmas holidays or doing the school run.  I made elaborate lunches for hubby to take to work much to the children’s amusement Little Lady remarked I just need heels and a little apron as I waved him off at the door, I am sure he has enjoyed the extra attention.

With my break over, much quicker than I could have imagined, I have been getting organised to get back to work.  It was nice to get a little good luck gift from my mum: two scarves and some chocolate, the black scarf is perfect or my first day.  I might save my animal prints and loud coloured scarves for later on.

Making Space to Work

Two years ago I had the bright idea of creating a space for myself for blogging, crafts and working from home for the office.  It was such a nice idea.  Hubby bought me a nice white desk and a lockable white cabinet to match.  I even had flights of fancy about an inspiration board and putting some artwork up.

What happened in reality is that everyone took over the space.  My husband set up the family computer on it, the kids did their homework at it, half the time it served as a mini dining table for the kids’ version of Netflix and chill (or in their case YouTube and chips).

When I worked from home, I ended up working from my bedroom where the Wi-Fi is temperamental.  Now that I am starting a new job and will be working from home sometimes, I thought this would be a good time to try again to set up a proper place for myself. I cleared the cabinet and the top of the desk, made space for my laptop and in the process got a lot of my filing cleared and my paperwork organised.

I had a highly therapeutic time clearing everyone’s junk out of my cabinet and setting out all of my stationary and supplies, including index cards that I use to make lists and inserts for my Filofax.

The bottom draw has more space and I am using it for my journals and art supplies, with the Sharpies hidden at the bottom in the hope that the Babies don’t get their hands on them.  In the past I have had to find every pen and pencil in the house and hide it out of reach to stop our youngest from drawing on every surface in the house.  I am hoping she doesn’t get any bright ideas in the time it takes me to find the key to the cabinet.

Setting up the space was the easy bit, the hard part is getting everyone to get away from my desk long enough to let me work.  Otherwise the other option is to go and hide in the library for some peace and quiet.

End of a Chapter: Last Day at Work

Last week saw my last day at my job after 10 years of service.  As you can imagine I had mixed feelings.  I leave behind some wonderful people, some who I count as friends, others who I have a lot of respect or and have learned so much from and others still who I consider mentors and people who opened doors for me or believed me to be capable enough to act as advocates of a kind for me.

I leave behind ten years of knowledge and experience I built up of the organisation and the chance to be part of the story as the organisation goes through significant change.

At the same time I am grateful and excited for a new opportunity and a new job.  Often starting a new job feels like starting all over again: proving yourself to be capable, building up your knowledge, convincing people about what you can do and building new networks.  But this time feels different.  I feel like I am taking my knowledge and experience with me.  The last two years of work have been challenging ones for me, but the challenge brought exponential growth in so many areas of skill and even character – I outlasted numerous people walking out because they couldn’t handle the work environment.

So this time I don’t feel like I am starting again.  I feel like I am bringing everything I have learned and done with me so that I can build on it insh’Allah.  The only thing I will miss will be working by the London Docks and my beautiful daily walks along the waterways.  Instead I am looking forward to making new friends and finding interesting new walks.

For my last day, instead of the usual leaving drinks (because I don’t drink…), I invited people to a pot luck lunch.  I brought in samosa’s, spring rolls, kebabs and roast chicken and a lovely friend brought in lots of pizza and cake.  I had friends from across the organisation come to with me well and even some that had left come back to see me off.

I took great pleasure in writing my good bye e-mail, I cleared my desk and made sure all my work was finished or handed over and I switched on my forever out-of-office.  I wished my colleagues goodbye and promised to keep in touch, I will e-mail them on the first day of my new job and let them know they are welcome to get in touch whenever they need to.

Redundancy and a New Job

I got made redundant earlier this year and it was a pretty uncomfortable situation.  My service has been through four restructures in the eight years I have been here.  After the anxiety and stress of getting through each one and not losing my job, I knew that there would always be another one a year or two away.  For this, the fourth one, I was seconded (loaned) to another department for a transformation project.  I learned so much, but I was also out of the loop and an easy option to dismiss.

Of all things that you experience when you are called in to be given the news: stress, anxiety, fear for the future, the ones that were the hardest to deal with were shame and embarrassment.  At being chosen to be the one to go for the chop, at feeling like the least of the group to be dismissed, even though I know that is not the case.

It is at times like this that I am grateful for my faith.  Islam, teaches us that our rizq (sustenance and income) is written and will get to us no matter what.  We trust in Allah (SWT) to provide for every one of us.  So for all the worry and embarrassment, I was not frightened of being left in hardship.  I knew that there would be a way forward and that it would be the best course for me alhamdulillah.

After two months of moping, feeling upset and trying to find my feet again, I have secured a new job.  They say that when one door closes, another opens.  That after hardship comes ease.  I felt so bad, but when the door opened, it opened onto something that I could not have imagined.  If I had drawn up the exact job I wanted in the place I wanted, it would have looked like this job. It is a mixture of policy, strategy, community engagement and special projects that draws on my previous experience and the new skills I have gained.  It’s within walking distance from home, my mums home and my children’s schools (rather than a 15 minute drive or 50 minute commute as currently) and it is close to shops and a library (unlike my present job which has nothing but open space nearby).  It feels like a very generous answer to a dua.  I am due to hand in my notice soon (once references and documents have cleared) and I am nervous and excited and grateful beyond words alhamdulillah

I pray that I use this new role to help and serve others and that I am a source of benefit for people insha’Allah.  I also pray that I grow and develop in this new role into a better, more confident version of me and that this work is a source of enjoyment and benefits insha’Allah.